Why Understanding the Difference Between Equity and Equality in Your Relationship or Marriage is Key (2024)

Why Understanding the Difference Between Equity and Equality in Your Relationship or Marriage is Key

1/14/2020

1 Comment

There has been a cultural shift where more and more people are turning their attention to matters of equality. And, while fighting for equality is, in general, a great endeavor and one that, in many cases, has been long overdue, it’s important to remember what the difference between “equity” and “equality” is and, in the case of marriages, why “equality” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, far too many couples are struggling in their relationships because their attention is hyper-focused on making everything equal, which, in turn, leads to scorekeeping, contempt, and other corrosive thought patterns and behaviors.

Turning to dictionary definitions as a jumping off point, “equality” is defined as “the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities”. “Equity”, on the other hand, is defined as “the quality of being fair and impartial”. A quick glance might make these two words seem also interchangeable and, in most of our day-to-day language, they are. However, in terms of what to strive for in our relationships, the two are strikingly different.

“Equality” in a relationship or marriage often makes individuals aware of amounts, like trying to balance two sides of an equation. For example, if one partner spends an hour doing the dishes, then the other should spend an hour doing some other type of chore. This type of “tit-for-a-tat” scorekeeping corrodes relationships, especially if this type of equality becomes the measure for a relationship’s success. Far too often we use this “equality” measuring stick to determine how much each person is bringing to the relationship, which means we’re focusing on things done or achieved rather than the person as a whole.

“Equity” and its attempt to make things “fair and impartial” is a very different perspective in terms of relationships. Rather than keeping score on hours clocked or items checked off lists, striving for marital or couple equity means creating an overall sense of fairness and balance. And, because equity implies being impartial, it allows us to remove our ego and selfishness, looking at the strengths and abilities of our partner in order to determine what’s best for them to bring to the table.

An equitable, not equal, partnership develops a healthy sense of individualism, recognizing that each person has a unique set of gifts and talents that they bring to the table. Equity also understands fairness in terms what feels right, rather than always focusing on what’s on either side of an equal (=) sign.

Transitioning from an equality-focused relationship to an equity-driven relationship takes time. After all, it’s difficult to create new habits and rewire new patterns. However, making this sometimes-subtle shift is not only incredibly healthy for all types of partnerships, but it’s also freeing as well. Rather than constantly trying to balance an imaginary scale, you’re able to focus your attention and energy on deeper, more profound emotions. As you turn your attention to equity, you’ll be able to consider questions like:

  • How does doing this (chore, activity, task, etc.) make me feel?
  • What does my partner expect of me? Does it align with my own expectations?
  • What brings me joy or happiness? What do I look forward to each day?
  • What brings my partner joy or happiness?
  • What are my strengths in this relationship? What are my partner’s strengths?
  • What does my partner need in order to be happy and perform at their highest level? What do I need?


As small as a differentiation as it might seem, shifting from “equality” to “equity” is one of the most important things you can do in your relationship today.

1 Comment

Annabella

10/18/2023 05:29:13 pm

I LOST MY MAN TO ANOTHER LADY BUT NOW I HAVE MY MAN BACK FULLY TO MY SELF FOREVER, THIS IS AMAZING AND I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT EVERYTHING TURNED AROUND FOR GOOD, OUR LOVE IS STRONGER THAN BEFORE, HE SAID HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN..CONTACT IF YOU NEED HELP TO RESTORE YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE. HE IS THE BEST. …………THANKS [emailprotected]

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Why Understanding the Difference Between Equity and Equality in Your Relationship or Marriage is Key (2024)

FAQs

Why Understanding the Difference Between Equity and Equality in Your Relationship or Marriage is Key? ›

Equity doesn't mean equality, where we always split things 50-50. That's not plausible. Instead, striving for equity means that we both have the power to make choices and take actions in a way that feels fair. It still feels like a privilege to debate this.

Why is it important to know the difference between equity and equality? ›

Equality means each individual or group of people is given the same resources or opportunities. Equity recognizes that each person has different circ*mstances and allocates the exact resources and opportunities needed to reach an equal outcome.

What is the difference between equity and equality in a relationship? ›

Equity is not equality. Both partners in a relationship may choose different tasks and roles in a family based on different likes and dislikes, interest and disinterest. Equity is more about how much we are contributing to the relationship or family than it is about both giving the same thing.

Why is equity important in a relationship? ›

In summary, equity theory suggests that people are more satisfied with a relationship in which there is equal give and take by both parties. This theory proposes that a person's motivation to stay in any relationship is based on the equality (or inequality) of the contributions made to the relationship by each person.

Why is equality so important in a relationship? ›

Equality in relationships goes beyond just the absence of discrimination or bias. It encompasses the idea of fairness, mutual respect, and shared power dynamics. When both partners actively work towards building and sustaining equal relationships, it creates a strong foundation for long-lasting love and happiness.

What is the difference between equality and equity with examples? ›

Equality simply means everyone is treated the same exact way, regardless of need or any other individual difference. Equity, on the other hand, means everyone is provided with what they need to succeed. In an equality model, a coach gives all of his players the exact same shoes.

Why is it important to understand equality? ›

Good equality and diversity practices make sure that the services provided to people are fair and accessible to everyone. They ensure that people are treated as equals, that people get the dignity and respect they deserve and that their differences are celebrated.

What is an example of equality in a relationship? ›

“Equality” in a relationship or marriage often makes individuals aware of amounts, like trying to balance two sides of an equation. For example, if one partner spends an hour doing the dishes, then the other should spend an hour doing some other type of chore.

Why is equity important? ›

A diverse group, community, or organization is one in which a variety of social and cultural characteristics exist. Equity ensures everyone has access to the same treatment, opportunities, and advancement. Equity aims to identify and eliminate barriers that prevent the full participation of some groups.

What is the difference between equality and equity quizlet? ›

What is the difference between equality and equity? Equity is giving everyone what they need to be successful. Equality is treating everyone the same. Equality aims to promote fairness, but may only work if everyone starts from the same place & needs the same help.

What does equity tell us? ›

Equity can be defined as the amount of money the owner of an asset would be paid after selling it and any debts associated with the asset were paid off. For example, if you own a home that's worth $200,000 and you have a mortgage of $50,000, the equity in the home would be worth $150,000.

How to make relationships equitable? ›

Here are 6 areas to keep things fair and equal in your relationship:
  1. Both person's needs are important, not just one person's. ...
  2. Curiosity of your partner's world. ...
  3. Making love is satisfying to both. ...
  4. The effort and work in the relationship are done by both, not one. ...
  5. You both encourage each other's dreams and goals.
Mar 23, 2018

Why does having equity matter? ›

It allows you to build wealth, and it opens up many financial opportunities such as taking out home equity loans or HELOCs. These options can make home improvements possible, further increasing the value of your home. You can also use the funds to pay for other expenses such as college or medical bills.

What is the difference between equality and equity in a relationship? ›

Agreeing that people are of equal value and deserving equal respect does not mean that they've established fairness (or equity). Fairness means both people in a relationship or partnership can feel good about the deal, whatever the deal is.

What is equality in a marriage? ›

Equal partners agree on goals together and work as a team to achieve these goals. They show equal commitment to the relationship and provide mutual support and nurturing. Each values the other's work life as highly as his or her own, even if that work life doesn't include employment outside the home.

How do you ensure equality in a relationship? ›

How Men Can Support Their Partners as Equals
  1. Communicate Openly. Communication is critical in relationships. ...
  2. Make Decisions as a Team. ...
  3. Do Your Share at Home. ...
  4. Encourage Your Partner to Lean In. ...
  5. Model Equality.

Why do we need to know the difference between the gender equality and gender equity? ›

While gender equality is simply focused on providing men and women with the same equal opportunities (like making it legal for women to own land, or even attend school), gender equity works to correct the historical wrongs that have left women behind (such as societal restrictions on employment).

Why is it important to understand equality and equity in the social work profession? ›

In the context of social work, diversity, equity, and inclusion are essential to our mission to enhance human well-being and help meet all people's basic needs — especially those who are vulnerable, oppressed, and living in poverty.

What is the importance of equality and equity in our community? ›

While equality promotes equal opportunities for all individuals regardless of their needs, equity aims to balance the inequalities among them, considering their unique characteristics and promoting equal access to resources to achieve the same outcome.

Why is equality equity and inclusion important? ›

Diversity, equity, and inclusion are not only important to an organization but beneficial as well. Diversity allows for new perspectives, equity creates a fair environment and can help to provide opportunities for individuals who need it, and inclusion helps employees feel a sense of belonging and understanding.

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