A part of retaining wellness includes difficult decisions at times about whether to end a relationship. Although it can be difficult to end a relationship, it is an important part of life when needing to distance ourselves from toxic and/or unwanted relationships. One reason ending relationships can be difficult is due to being immersed in the attachment (even in relationships with abuse).
To help grasp the idea of ending a relationship, it is crucial to recognize the signs and red flags that indicate an unhealthy/toxic relationship. Below we will explore signs or key factors to look for when determining to leave a relationship, relationship deal-breakers, awareness of safety protocols when ending relationships, and self-care after a breakup.
Recognizing Signs to End a Relationship
When it comes to evaluating a relationship, it's essential to be aware of signs that indicate feelings of uncertainty relating to ongoing thoughts about leaving the attachment/relationship. Some common signs include:
1. Lack of Trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If trust has been consistently broken or if there is a constant feeling of suspicion, it may be an indication that the relationship is not sustainable. Especially, if there is no accountability or validation around the trust issues or a desire to repair the “rupture” in the relationship.
2. Constant Disrespect: Mutual respect is vital for a relationship to thrive. If there is a frequent occurrence of disrespect, belittlement, or verbal/physical abuse, it is crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and consider ending the relationship. If possible, try to remember our relationships should be based on aspects of healthy understanding and support. The negative traits above are behaviors from attachments that ultimately hurt us or weigh us down (emotionally and physically).
3. Emotional Neglect: Emotional support and connection are fundamental in a healthy relationship. If one or both partners consistently fail to provide emotional support, dismiss feelings, or neglect emotional needs, it may be a sign that the relationship is not meeting your emotional well-being requirements. One way to imagine this is to picture an old-style drawbridge. If you lower your side of the bridge and the other side of the relationship never allows their “bridge” to lower, you are ultimately getting denied an opportunity for emotional support and connection. So, please understand you deserve that emotional support from your relationships and should not have to perpetuate feelings of emotional neglect in a relationship if you desire to end the attachment.
4. Loss of Individuality: A healthy relationship allows for personal growth and individuality. If you feel like you have lost your sense of self or are constantly compromising your values, goals, or dreams for the sake of the relationship, it may be time to reassess the situation. This does not mean we will never need to negotiate or compromise at times in our relationships, but it does lean towards the ideology that you should never lose a sense of autonomy that aligns with your values.
Identifying Relationship Red Flags
In addition to the signs mentioned above, there are specific red flags that should not be ignored. If any of these red flags sound familiar please discuss them with a mental health professional or someone in your support system:
1. Controlling Behavior: If your partner exhibits controlling behaviors such as isolating you from loved ones, monitoring your every move, or making decisions on your behalf without your consent, it is a significant red flag of an unhealthy relationship.
2. Manipulation and Gaslighting: Manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting (manipulating someone to doubt their reality), can erode your self-esteem and lead to a toxic dynamic. Recognizing these behaviors is crucial for your emotional well-being.
3. Lack of Accountability: A healthy relationship requires both partners to take responsibility for their actions. If your partner consistently deflects blame, refuses to apologize, or fails to take accountability for their behavior, it may be a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.
Ending a Relationship: Keeping Safety in Mind
When ending a relationship, especially a toxic or abusive relationship, it is important to plan and prepare. One thing to think about is the logistics: when, where, and how. You must keep yourself safe, so make sure you attempt to write out the pros and cons of various methods or settings when deciding how to end a relationship. If you ever do feel endangered, please contact emergency services or individuals from your support system. It is always a good idea to let friends or family know of your intentions/plan; this allows someone to know your whereabouts and contact you/emergency services if needed.
If you ever feel like you are completely alone, and want to get out of a toxic relationship, please contact local resources or helplines to access local residential domestic victim violence services.
Below is a location here in Fresno, California as well as a national domestic violence hotline.
Prioritizing Personal Growth and Self-Care
When contemplating leaving a relationship, it is essential to consider your personal growth and self-care. Ending a relationship that no longer serves you can create space for personal development and growth. It allows you to focus on your well-being, explore your interests, and work towards personal goals. Remember, self-care is crucial after a breakup. Surround yourself with a support system, engage in activities that bring you joy, and seek professional help if needed. One thing to implement is engaging in one positive behavior a day. This doesn’t have to cost money or take extensive time but do something that sounds enjoyable. Allow yourself to be open to new ideas and activities to create new experiences and opportunities. For a list of potential positive activities please check the link below.
Conclusion
All in all, deciding to leave a relationship or when to leave a relationship is a deeply personal and complex decision. By recognizing the signs, red flags, and prioritizing your emotional well-being, personal growth, and self-care, you can navigate this challenging process with clarity and confidence. Remember, you are not alone. It is important to seek guidance from a licensed therapist and people you can trust to help you gain further insight and support as you make these types of important decisions in life.
