I Figured Out How Long Should You Wait To Get An Ex Back (2024)

I’d like to talk about how long you should wait to get an ex back by posing a question that no one ever seems to think to ask,

Is there such a thing as getting an ex back too fast?

I’ve talked a lot in the past about this concept that’s been plaguing our success stories,

Half of all success stories end up breaking up again within a year of getting back together.

There are a few outliers though and those outliers are going to be the key to answering this question.

First things first though,

• I’d like to start by taking a look at recovery time based on situation (I did a study on this last year)
• Then I’d like to transition to talking about the statistics and the averages
• Then, what took me the longest when it came to this discussion, “re-auditing” the successes to see how many were still together
• And then coming up with a final answer on exactly how long you should be waiting to get back together with an ex

Let’s jump right in!

Taking A Look At Recovery Time By Situation

Last year I wrote a rather controversial (and self admittedly flawed article) where I was trying to figure out the recovery time it took to get an ex back based on situational circ*mstances.

Types Of Breakups Ranked By Recovery Time Frame

• You break up with them (1 month)
• You don’t do a no contact rule after the breakup (1 month) *I believe this is an outlier
• You have a long distance ex (1.5 months)
• You’ve been blocked by an ex (1.5 months)
• You act overly anxious after the breakup (1.5 months)
• You go “all in” on the no contact rule (2 months)
• They break up with you (3 months)
• Your ex is extremely fearful avoidant (6 months)
• You’ve been ghosted by an ex (10 months)
• You are in an on again/off again relationship (10 months)
• Your ex breaks up with you when you are pregnant (15 months)
• Your ex moves on to someone else (36 months)

I say the article was flawed mostly because there really wasn’t enough data per situation. Since most of the success story interviews I have conducted either are inconclusive with their “situation” or are considered to be in a “general” category, it was impossible to definitively pin point a timeframe based on situational circ*mstances.

We’re getting there though.

However, the one good thing that came out of it was that it allowed me the time to go through and pinpoint a time frame based on non generalized based breakups.

Looking At The Statistics From The Study

When you average the twelve success stories above together you actually find that the average time it took these successes to get their exes back was,

7.2 months

Which is interesting because it’s a little different than our 5.2 month marker we have on this page.

Why?

Well, the most obvious answer is that it’s because the 5.2 months takes into account the entirety of our success stories whereas the twelve situational cases I listed above only looked at a sample of each of the cases.

And the hardest cases at that.

In general the assumption of a 5.2 months average is still your best bet.

But this brings up an interesting question.

You see, if I’m being brutally honest about our program and successes the big issue is that most of the men and women coming through it have no intention of ever breaking up with their exes ever again.

Yet, they do.

It’s Not Just About Figuring Out How Long It’ll Take To Get Your Ex Back, It’s About Not Breaking Up Again

The question we are really trying to answer in this discussion is figuring out the very best time frame to get an ex back in.

For example, it may be true that you can get your ex back in as quick as 5.2 months but that might not actually be ideal if you break up again.

I want to learn if waiting a longer period of time to get an ex back is actually ideal.

My gut tells me it is but I want to check the research.

Luckily we can do that by doing an audit of the 12 individuals I interviewed to figure out if they are still together with their ex.

1. You break up with them (1 month) (Still Together)
2. You don’t do a no contact rule after the breakup (1 month) (Inconclusive)
3. You have a long distance ex (1.5 months) (Not Together)
4. You’ve been blocked by an ex (1.5 months) (Not Together)
5. You act overly anxious after the breakup (1.5 months) (Inconclusive)
6. You go “all in” on the no contact rule (2 months) (Not Together)
7. They break up with you (3 months) (Not Together)
8. Your ex is extremely fearful avoidant (6 months) (Still Together)
9. You’ve been ghosted by an ex (10 months) (Still Together)
10. You are in an on again/off again relationship (10 months) (Not Together)
11. Your ex breaks up with you when you are pregnant (15 months) (Not Together)
12. Your ex moves on to someone else (36 months) (Still Together)

I’ve divided the twelve into three categories.

1. Still together (meaning as of the writing of this article the couple still remains together)
2. Not together (another breakup between the couple has occurred)
3. Inconclusive (I couldn’t determine if they were together or not)

Here was the breakdown.

• 33% (4 out of 12) were still together
• 50% (6 out of 12) had broken up again
• 17% (2 out of 12) were inconclusive

So, like I’ve been saying all along, half of all the couples that we get back together break up again. Not exactly the stuff of legend, if you ask me but I believe in honesty and that’s the honest truth.

It’s by looking at those 33% of individuals who ended up staying together where we can potentially find our answer to if there’s an ideal time frame in which you should be getting your ex back.

The Tortoise And The Hare Approach

For simplicities sake I would like to dive our twelve success story study up into two categories,

1. The hare (they got back together quickly)
2. The tortoise (they took their time)

This of course is a direct nod to Aseop’s fable of the Tortoise and the Hare which, as you’ll see, turns out to be an apt comparison.

So, let’s take a look at our hares.

1. You break up with them (1 month) (Still Together)
2. You don’t do a no contact rule after the breakup (1 month) (Inconclusive)
3. You have a long distance ex (1.5 months) (Not Together)
4. You’ve been blocked by an ex (1.5 months) (Not Together)
5. You act overly anxious after the breakup (1.5 months) (Inconclusive)
6. You go “all in” on the no contact rule (2 months) (Not Together)

Basically these were the individuals who got their exes back within 2 months of starting our program.

If you actually throw out every inconclusive all but one of them ended up breaking up again.

Now let’s take a look at the Tortoise.

1. They break up with you (3 months) (Not Together)
2. Your ex is extremely fearful avoidant (6 months) (Still Together)
3. You’ve been ghosted by an ex (10 months) (Still Together)
4. You are in an on again/off again relationship (10 months) (Not Together)
5. Your ex breaks up with you when you are pregnant (15 months) (Not Together)
6. Your ex moves on to someone else (36 months) (Still Together)

It’s an even 50/50 split.

Still not great.

However, they outperform the hares in longevity.

Thus, in the case of breakups, it seems Aesop was right. Slow and steady does end up winning the race.