A narcissist’s Achilles heel is their self-image. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response. But is trying to trigger a narcissist the best course of action?
As narcissists are constantly trying to protect themselves from feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness, they may resort to various tactics like gaslighting, blame-shifting, or projecting their insecurities onto others to preserve their self-image. This behavior can be infuriating, distressing, and painful. It’s normal to desire justice or want to retaliate when you feel mistreated or hurt by their actions.
It is entirely understandable to feel angry, pained, and tormented by the behavior of a narcissist. You should not suppress these difficult emotions; however, engaging in retaliation or seeking revenge against a narcissist is unlikely to alleviate your suffering or lead to positive outcomes.
It’s normal to desire justice or want to retaliate when you feel mistreated or hurt by someone’s actions, but anger, resentment, and vengeance will not bring you peace of mind. In fact, it can even prolong the emotional distress and negative impact they have on your well-being.
Harboring these negative emotions can consume your thoughts and energy, keeping you trapped in a cycle of negativity. Additionally, narcissists thrive on conflict and drama, so any attempt to retaliate may only fuel their negative behavior further. This can perpetuate a harmful dynamic and hinder your own healing process.
Furthermore, trying to seek justice from someone who lacks empathy and is unable to see their own faults is unproductive. Instead, the best ways to deal with a narcissist is to limit contact, cutting them off from the narcissistic supply they are getting from you.
The healthiest and most effective strategy is to leave the relationship and focus on yourself. Establish and set boundaries, build healthy and supportive relationships with friends and family, seek professional support (e.g., from a therapist), and practice self-care.
How to Take Back Control
Taking back control from a narcissist can be challenging, but it is possible with the right strategies. Narcissists have an extreme need to dominate other people. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, they probably hold some power over you.
They might control your social life, finances, hobbies, and emotional well-being. You might find yourself constantly catering to their needs and feeling like you are under their spell.
Taking control away from the narcissist is the best way to “hurt” them and recover from the relationship. Here are some steps you can take to regain control of your life when dealing with a narcissist:
Limit Contact
As long as you have contact with the narcissist, they will continue to manipulate and abuse you. They might try hoovering or baiting to keep you as a source of narcissistic supply – their never-ending need for attention, admiration, and control.
By engaging with a narcissist (even if your intention is to hurt them), you are only feeding their ego. Thus, you must minimize contact with the narcissist whenever possible. This may involve reducing communication or avoiding situations where you know they will be present.
This is not always practical, however. You might have children together or they might be a close family member. Limiting contact and establishing firm boundaries can be challenging, and even stressful, but it is crucial you prioritize your own happiness and growth by distancing yourself from their toxicity.
Challenge Their Dominance
Challenging a narcissist’s dominance can be a risky endeavor and should be approached with caution. Narcissists often have an intense need for control and power, and any direct challenge to their dominance may provoke them and lead to more aggressive behavior or retaliation.
However, challenging a narcissist’s perceived dominance can be done strategically without escalating conflict. When addressing the narcissist, maintain a composed and assertive demeanor. Pick your battles wisely, focusing on essential issues rather than engaging in unnecessary power struggles.
It’s important to remember that challenging a narcissist’s dominance may not result in a positive change. In some cases, it may even lead to increased manipulation or retaliation. The most effective way to protect yourself from the negative impact of a narcissist is often to set healthy boundaries, limit contact where possible, and focus on your own well-being and personal growth.
Establish and Enforce Boundaries
Narcissists often target people who lack strong tenacity as they feel empowered by testing and overstepping on other people’s boundaries.
Establishing clear and firm boundaries can protect you from the narcissist’s manipulation and emotional abuse.
First, you must identify what you are willing to tolerate, what you want from the relationship, and how you will enforce it. Then, communicate these boundaries calmly and assertively, and be consistent in enforcing them.
Love Yourself
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love.
Narcissists do not want to feel like you don’t need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are. By building your self-confidence and self-worth independently of their approval, you are taking back your control.
Narcissists are experts at undermining your self-esteem, so focus on building your self-confidence and self-worth independently of their approval. Be compassionate towards yourself and recognize that the narcissist’s behavior is a reflection of their issues, not yours.
Spend Time With Loved Ones
Spending time with people who love and support you is another antidote for narcissists’ mind games and abuse. These supportive people in your life can help you to heal by reassuring you that you are not “crazy” or “broken” (as the narcissist may have you believe). Having a support system can help you process your emotions and validate your experiences.
Narcissists often isolate their victims from their friends and family, so when you rebuild and strengthen supportive relationships, you are taking away the narcissist’s power.
If the situation is particularly challenging or emotionally overwhelming, consider seeking professional help from a therapist experienced in dealing with narcissistic relationships.
How Does a Narcissist Act When They Are Hurt?
Narcissists do not handle challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury) well. Narcissists often have an intense need for control and power, and any direct challenge to their dominance may provoke them and lead to more aggressive behavior or retaliation.
When they experience a narcissistic injury, they might seek revenge or retaliate against those they perceive as responsible for their hurt. This is called narcissistic rage – an out-of-control, ego-driven, and unreasonable burst of anger. They may explode into rage, physically, verbally, or sexually, by attacking you or your property.
Their anger can also manifest in more subtle, calculating, or passive-aggressive ways, such as spreading rumors, stonewalling, gaslighting, or victim-playing.
Their actions are driven by the need to protect their self-image and maintain control over others.
Their ensuing rage might confuse, upset, or infuriate you, but it’s essential to prioritize your own well-being and safety by pulling away, setting healthy boundaries, and limiting contact whenever possible.
When you cut them out of your life, both emotionally and physically, you will hold the power.
