How long does it take to fall in love? (2024)

How long does it take to fall in love? (1)

They call it “chemistry”, but falling in love isn’t a perfect science. It’s different for everyone and relies on all sorts of factors, from how physically attractive you find someone to whether you feel comfortable in their presence. Still, research has shed some light on what is happening in the brain when we do feel those first butterflies – and the amount of time it takes for people to fall in love.

A 2013 survey conducted by YouGov and dating site eHarmony found that the time taken from the first date to saying “I love you” differs between men and women. The average time for men to fall in love is 88 days, while those same feelings of true love take women 134 days. Another dating site, Elite Singles, did a poll in 2017 and found that 61 per cent of women believe in love at first sight, while 72 per cent of men do.

These surveys focused on heterosexual relationships. Other types of relationships have been comparatively understudied, though a 2000 study of 38 lesbians found that, on average, they declared their love or commitment to a partner after six months. A Match.com poll done in 2013 found that 65 per cent of gay men believe in love at first sight, while 60 per cent of lesbians do.

How does love affect the brain?

Neurologically speaking, the bonds we feel that we know as love are due to the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which activate the reward centre in our brain. These take a fraction of a second to reach the brain, and some studies have shown that just looking at a person you love can activate the same brain region that creates the feelings of euphoria associated with some drugs.

But those hormones don’t just kick in when you meet a potential love interest. You have to get to know them first. Psychologist Arthur Aron devised a set of questions that can accelerate this process and potentially help couples to fall in love quicker. Known as “the 36 questions that lead to love”, these require two people to be vulnerable and share life experiences, which can enhance intimacy and potentially lead to love. They aren’t quick questions, though, so it could take a while to get through them all.

With the rise of dating apps, particularly during the 2020 coronavirus pandemic lockdowns, people have been finding love without even being in the same place. A 2021 survey from dating app Bumble found that 67 per cent of people now believe it is possible to fall in love with someone you haven’t even met in person. So maybe the length of time it takes to fall in love is simply about how quickly you can respond to text messages.

How long does it take to fall in love? (2024)

FAQs

How long does it take to fall in love? ›

Falling in love typically takes a few months. Love at first sight is likely an expression of strong lust or physical desire that transforms over time into romantic love for each other. There is no definitive time frame for falling in love, though about 3–4 months may be a rough average, according to limited research.

How quickly do you fall in love? ›

The average time for men to fall in love is 88 days, while those same feelings of true love take women 134 days. Another dating site, Elite Singles, did a poll in 2017 and found that 61 per cent of women believe in love at first sight, while 72 per cent of men do. These surveys focused on heterosexual relationships.

How do you know if you are falling in love? ›

When you're in love with someone, you'll start to develop strong compassion for them. The powerful urge to be connected to this person brings new aspects to your relationship, such as emotional or physical intimacy, passion, and a desire to know everything about them, and be known by them in return.

How do I know if I'm in love? ›

To summarize: If you're overwhelmed by anticipation and attraction, you're probably infatuated. If your so-called “butterflies” have transformed into feelings of tenderness, trust, and genuine concern for your partner's well-being, you just might be in love.

How long does it take for a guy to fall in love? ›

Many men actually fall in love pretty fast On average, it can take a man a few months (around 88 days,) before he's in love. Of course, it depends on the man. Often a younger man falls in love faster, while an older man may take a while.

What is the 3 month rule? ›

The three-month rule states you should date someone for 3 months before committing or taking it to the next level. This course of action can be useful, however, it's best to treat it as a guide rather than something to rigidly stick to.

How to tell if a guy is falling in love? ›

He may pay attention to you more than others who are around. He's also likely to try spending time with you more than with others when he's falling in love. You may find that he's willing to do things with you that he wouldn't do otherwise such as watching a "chick flick".

Do I love him or am I just attached? ›

Love evokes fond feelings and actions toward the other person, particularly. Attachment is driven by how you feel about yourself with the degree of permanence and safety someone gives you, based on your past relationships. In other words, with love, your person is “the one” you have feelings for.

How soon can you say "I love you"? ›

Two months may be too soon to say “I love you” for some people, while the same period of time may be perfect for other couples. You may also want to consider checking on your own feelings. Lust and infatuation can sometimes mimic aspects of romantic love, and could lead you to say “I love you” prematurely.

How do I know if I'm still in love? ›

You'll know that you love someone because you genuinely enjoy spending time with them and caring for them, which is different from liking someone simply because they make you feel better about yourself, says Miller.

What are the signs of a man in love? ›

The 15 signs of genuine love include respect, trust, prioritization, emotional interest, thoughtfulness, involvement, including you in their future plans, caring, being supportive, pride, attention to detail, mutual decision-making, compromise, communication, and being receptive to feedback.

What does real love feel like? ›

“It goes beyond merely being heard; it's about feeling that your words hold importance for your partner,” shares Consul. This feeling indicates emotional connection, trust, and vulnerability. True love feels less like adrenaline and more like the sense of calm you're left with after receiving a much-needed hug.

Who falls in love faster? ›

"While most people believe women are first to fall in love, feel a greater degree of love, and express love quicker, the research does show that it's men in heterosexual relationships who are first to fall in love and convey it to their partner," says Sommerfeldt, as evident in this 2010 study on heterosexual ...

How fast is too fast to fall in love? ›

“There is no absolute rule,” says Dr. Lauren Kerwin, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. “[Falling in love] can happen instantaneously or take weeks, months, or years! It happens differently for everybody and takes different forms.”

How to tell you're falling in love? ›

Here are a few of the common signs that you're falling in love.
  • You can't stop thinking about the person. ...
  • You know them better than anyone else. ...
  • You often think about a future with the person. ...
  • You prioritize spending time with them. ...
  • You feel safe. ...
  • You're more affectionate. ...
  • You feel actually on top of the world.
Feb 9, 2023

How soon is too soon to say "I love you"? ›

It's common to date someone for 3 to 5 months before saying "I love you," but everyone develops an emotional bond at their own pace.

How long does it take to get over someone you truly loved? ›

There is no certain time. It could take you one month, three months, a year, 6 years, or a lifetime to truly get over someone. You could possibly even always have feelings for the person. BUT you must remember WHY it didn't work out.

How long does it take a man to miss you? ›

Another reason why guys might take 8 weeks or longer to start missing you is because they need time to process their emotions. Men aren't always as in touch with their feelings as women are, and they might need more time to figure out how they're feeling and what they want from a relationship.

How long does it take for a crush to develop? ›

While it can take less than a second for someone to develop attraction towards someone else, the neuroscience behind the chemical changes happening in the brain is complex. When we experience attraction or develop a crush, chemicals are released in the brain creating a stress and reward response.

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