If you’re feeling emotionally broken after a traumatic experience, you’re not alone. Many people who have been abused feel broken and incapable of being in a romantic and intimate relationship. But just because you’ve gone through something difficult and come out on the other side doesn’t make you broken. It makes you strong.
There are several characteristics of someone who feels like a broken person. You may identify with some or all of these. I want you to know that while you may feel broken, you aren’t. People are not “broken” or “fixed.” We all exist on an emotional spectrum.
Just because something terrible happened to you that makes it hard for you to get close to people doesn’t mean that you are broken or that something is wrong with you. But for the sake of using language that resonates, I’ll reference the characteristics of a broken person and what it feels like to be emotionally broken. But I want to emphasize that you are none of those things.
Hi, I’m Kim Salyer, a trauma therapist in Pleasanton specializing in trauma. Let’s dive in.
Characteristics of Someone Who Feels Like a Broken Person
People who feel emotionally broken have low-self esteem and tend to be unhappy. You may feel hopeless or in despair. Perhaps you feel inadequate or unworthy of love. Of course, none of these things are true, but they’re common for people who believe they are broken.
Some other characteristics of a broken person are having toxic beliefs about dating, love, and sex. You may get upset when you see people who are happy and in love. You might see potential romantic partners as opponents. People who feel emotionally broken would rather be alone than burden others with their brokenness.
Often people who think they’re broken are afraid. Maybe you’re afraid no one will find you attractive. Or just the opposite – what if someone does find you attractive, then what do you do? There’s also fear that if someone gets to know the “real you” they’ll run away or hurt you.
You may be insecure and choose romantic relationships or dates based on what you think other people expect from you and not what you actually want. Maybe you don’t know what you want because you’re afraid that you’re not enough for anyone.
If you’ve experienced abuse of any kind you may, understandably, have commitment issues. You may also have had to defend yourself verbally or physically in previous relationships. This can lead to a pattern of becoming abusive towards others.
These characteristics of a broken person are all a result of what happened to you. The part that matters is what you do next. If you find yourself feeling any of these things, it’s important that you seek counseling to help assuage your fears, increase your self-esteem, and help you work through the emotional aftermath of abuse so that you can have healthy relationships.
Signs You Are Not Emotionally Broken
I understand that the characteristics of a broken person I’ve laid out may resonate loudly with you. But now it’s time to look at all the signs that you’re not emotionally broken. And if you’re not there yet, these are things to aspire to and work on in emotional trauma therapy.
You’re not emotionally broken if you’re willing to be open to the possibility of love. You’re able to be vulnerable with another human being despite being afraid that they’ll run away from you. You still have the ability to love, no matter what difficulties you’ve been through.
Despite the trauma you’ve endured, and however you’ve responded to trauma so far, you are able to communicate your needs and desires to another person. You’re able to talk about what happened to you, whether it’s with a counselor, a friend, or a significant other.
You’re able to communicate your needs, especially when it comes to physical intimacy if you’ve been sexually abused, and talk to your partner about what does and doesn’t work for you. You can communicate when you feel overwhelmed, have a flashback, or start to dissociate. You allow other people in, despite feeling emotionally broken.
Falling in Love With a Damaged Person
I don’t like calling anyone “damaged,” but many of my clients believe that they are. If you feel damaged and broken, you may not see that you are worthy of love. But there are plenty of people who do love you. If you let them in, you might just find love more easily than you thought.
For people who are falling in love with someone who believes they are damaged and broken, it’s important to think about a few things. You need to be able to tell the person who thinks they’re broken that you accept them for who they are. Be willing to share your deepest, darkest secrets and fears with that person in order for them to trust you completely.
Listen to them without judgment when they tell you why they think they’re broken. Show that you’re willing to be there for them no matter what, no matter how difficult things may get.
It’s not going to be easy. You’ll need to have a lot of patience. You might need to wait longer than you would like for physical or emotional intimacy.
Make sure to let your partner who feels they are emotionally broken know that you love all of them, not just the parts they think are good. Make it clear that while you see and hear them, none of what happened to them was their fault and that you don’t begrudge them for symptoms of PTSD or any trauma triggers that occur during the relationship.
Give them space while still letting them know that you’re there when they need you. Show them with your actions, not just words, that you accept them for who they are. Demonstrate that you are falling or are in love with the person they are, not the horrible things that happened to them
How Does a Broken Person Heal?
The first step to healing from trauma is to talk about what happened to you. Attend emotional trauma therapy. Talk to friends, family, and your romantic partner. Start learning to love yourself for who you are.
With help, you can realize that you aren’t actually broken. Something bad happened to you that caused you to disconnect from the world and feel so much pain that you didn’t know how to connect with someone else.
You’ll heal with time. Having a partner who is patient, kind, and understanding of all your hang-ups and difficulties, once you’ve let them in, will also be healing. Going through difficult moments, such as a sexual trigger if you’ve been sexually assaulted, and still coming out on the other side with your partner, who is still there, loving and holding you, will make you so much stronger.
You can heal from trauma that has left you feeling emotionally broken. I’m here to help. Contact me to set up a free 20-minute consultation. Together we’ll help set you up for success in relationships and all the aspects of your life that feel broken.
