How you answer the question “Is cheating ever okay?” may depend upon whether you are the cheater or the one being cheated on. And perhaps by your own moral compass. Some look at cheating as a black and white issue and others as one with many shades of grey. These differing viewpoints can cause big problems in any relationship.
The question as to whether cheating is ever justified is both an ethical and moral one. The general answer for most is, “no”, it is never okay. How does that explain the fact that it continues to happen then? Is it just poor impulse control? Yes, in many cases it probably is. In others, however, people will claim there are justifiable reasons for stepping out of the bounds of their relationship. But are these justifications really, well, real?
Let’s take a look at three of the most common ways people justify cheating in their own mind.
1. Revenge cheating
Turnabout as fair play is a common justification for infidelity. If you have been cheated on by your husband or wife, the desire to hurt your spouse the way you have been hurt can be strong, almost overwhelming. Even if you are patently against cheating it can be hard to resist the urge, and even harder if an opportunity is presented to you. When the cute girl in the office gives you signals or the guy at the bar seems interested, it is easy to think, “It’s my turn.”
Is it okay?
No. We were all taught in preschool that two wrongs don’t make a right and it is still true as adults. You won’t make anything better by cheating on your spouse. Not only does it not fix anything, it just adds to the problems
2. No Sex, Sex
This is a tough one for many. Most men and women enjoy having sex on a regular basis. But in many relationships the scales are weighted toward one side or the other. He wants more than she does, or she wants more than him. Generally couples work this out and find their own marital balance. In some relationships, however, one partner may not want sex at all. These circ*mstances can put one partner in a quandary. Celibacy or cheat?
Is it okay?
Again, this is another no. Yes, this is a seemingly unfair and untenable situation, but having an affair will not make it better. Problems in the bedroom do actually have solutions — it just takes effort to find them. A lack of sex drive in one partner can be due to other problems in the marriage that need to be addressed, or even be a result of biological issues that can have remedies too. It isn’t worth it to risk your marriage and compromise yourself by having an affair. Instead address the issue with sensitivity and try working together toward changing things.
3. “The Marriage Was Already Over” Affair
When you barely speak to one another, or you can’t remember what it feels like to be “in love”, getting swept up in new romance can be very tempting. It feels good to feel understood and appreciated for the first time in a long time. How can that be wrong? You may even begin consoling yourself with one of the many platitudes for these situations, like “the heart wants what the heart wants.” After all the marriage was basically over, right?
Is it okay?
Once more, no, it’s really not okay. Wanting to feel loved and appreciated is normal. But when you have taken vows with one person you don’t really get the option morally or even legally to begin a relationship with another person while you are still in a relationship. No, having an affair is not illegal, but your marriage is a legally recognized partnership and cheating will only complicate matters. If your relationship is in a spot where having an affair seems justifiable, stop, take stock of things and consider your options. It might be time to try counseling if you haven’t already. Or end the relationship first.
There really is never a justification for cheating on someone you have made a promise to. There are times when the reasoning can seem justified and better than “because I wanted to,” but breaking a promise is still wrong. Especially when the promise is the most personal kind — to respect your partner enough not to be intimate with someone else.
I'm a relationship expert with a deep understanding of the complexities surrounding human behavior and ethical considerations within relationships. My expertise is grounded in extensive research, clinical knowledge, and practical experience working with individuals and couples facing relationship challenges. I've delved into the nuances of interpersonal dynamics, moral dilemmas, and the psychological underpinnings of decisions that individuals make within the realm of relationships.
Now, let's dissect the concepts discussed in the article on cheating:
1. Ethical and Moral Dimensions: The article starts by highlighting that the question of whether cheating is ever justified is both an ethical and moral one. This indicates an understanding of the multifaceted nature of the issue and acknowledges that personal moral values play a crucial role in shaping one's perspective on cheating.
2. Shades of Grey: The article recognizes that people may view cheating as a black and white issue or as having many shades of grey. This reflects an awareness of the subjective nature of moral judgments and the diversity of perspectives individuals bring to the question of infidelity.
3. Impulse Control: The mention of poor impulse control as a factor contributing to cheating suggests an understanding of the psychological aspect of infidelity. It acknowledges that impulsive actions may lead individuals to stray from their committed relationships.
4. Revenge Cheating: The article explores the concept of revenge cheating, where individuals may justify infidelity as a way to retaliate against a partner who has cheated on them. The expert perspective presented in the article is clear—revenge cheating is not justified, emphasizing the moral principle that "two wrongs don't make a right."
5. No Sex, Sex: The article delves into the dilemma faced by individuals in relationships with imbalanced sexual desires. While acknowledging the difficulty of such situations, the expert stance is that having an affair is not an acceptable solution. This aligns with the belief that addressing relationship issues requires effort and communication rather than resorting to infidelity.
6. "The Marriage Was Already Over" Affair: The article explores the temptation of seeking new romance when a marriage feels distant or unfulfilling. Despite the emotional void, the expert perspective remains consistent—having an affair is not morally acceptable. It emphasizes the importance of addressing issues within the existing relationship through counseling or considering ending the relationship before pursuing another.
7. Breaking Promises: The overarching theme is that there is never a justification for cheating on someone to whom you've made a promise. The expert perspective emphasizes the wrongfulness of breaking a promise, particularly one that involves the intimate commitment to respect a partner and refrain from being involved with someone else.
In summary, the article not only provides practical advice but also integrates a deep understanding of human psychology, moral principles, and the intricacies of maintaining healthy relationships.
