Being Secretive About Money Can Be a Big Betrayal in Marriage (2024)

FAQs

Why is my husband so secretive about money? ›

Your spouse may have a habit that he or she does not want you to know about. Maybe he or she is having an affair or has a drug addiction. Your spouse conceals the money that he or she has spent in the hopes of preventing you from finding out about the secret.

If you feel that your spouse is hiding money, the best advice is to educate yourself about the household finances, find concrete evidence, and look for ways to have a healthy and open conversation with your spouse.

Key Takeaways. Financial infidelity is when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money. Examples of financial infidelity can include hiding existing debts, excessive expenditures without notifying the other partner, and lying about the use of money.

Financial experts, myself included, have long cautioned against such financial secrecy. After all, if you want honesty, open communication, and trust in a marriage, keeping money-related secrets is a fast way to ruin all of that.

It should be a red flag if your spouse takes complete control of the finances or changes the passwords, so you cannot get into your accounts. If your bank statements are mailed to you, you may suddenly stop receiving them if your spouse changes your mailing address with the bank without your knowledge.

Bank account statements: These statements will provide valuable information about your spouse's income, regular expenses, and whether unusual deposits or withdrawals were made. Bank statements will also show whether a large sum of money was used to purchase real estate or other assets in your spouse's name only.

Yes. If hiding the asset rises to the level of the breach of fiduciary duty, the California Family Code can even order damages against the spouse.

Financial infidelity can range from some "low-key sneaky spending" on clothing, through to racking up debt on a secret credit card, or gambling away savings, says Ms Browne. Whatever the betrayal, Relationships Australia NSW CEO Elisabeth Shaw says it's when spending is contrary to a couple's agreement and goals.

Suing a spouse for financial infidelity specifically is not a straightforward legal action under most family law frameworks. However, during divorce proceedings, a spouse can pursue legal remedies if financial infidelity has led to the dissipation or concealment of marital assets.

Should I divorce over financial infidelity? ›

While financial infidelity is not an official ground for divorce, deceitful behaviors can have legal implications in proceedings: Division of Property — Hiding assets or debts skews division. For example, if your spouse secretly amassed $100,000 in stock investments, you likely have a claim to half.

What is the ultimate betrayal? The ultimate betrayal in a relationship is lies. Lies undermine authentic communication and create distrust between both parties that takes a long time to repair. Almost universally, people who experience betrayal trauma report that the lies hurt them worse than the betrayal itself.

Lying about spending

Saying your money is going one place when it's really going somewhere else is dishonest and can lead to debt and credit problems. There are many other actions that can be considered financial infidelity.

Hiding cash can also be a sign that one spouse is not fully invested in the partnership and may be acting in their own self-interest, rather than working toward shared goals and objectives. “Ultimately this behavior roots in fear and distrust,” McKenna said. “Solve that and the problem will resolve itself.

Hiding cash can also be a sign that one spouse is not fully invested in the partnership and may be acting in their own self-interest, rather than working toward shared goals and objectives. “Ultimately this behavior roots in fear and distrust,” McKenna said. “Solve that and the problem will resolve itself.

The deceit can be a form of coercive control, as one person seeks to dominate the decisions of the relationship by hiding key information. It can also just be poor communication around money, combined with the powerful shame of debt, corroding trust inch by inch.

Bank account statements: These statements will provide valuable information about your spouse's income, regular expenses, and whether unusual deposits or withdrawals were made. Bank statements will also show whether a large sum of money was used to purchase real estate or other assets in your spouse's name only.