ANGER & BEHAVIOR: How to Recognize if My Child’s Anger Issues are Normal or if it’s Something More - Integrated Learning Strategies (2024)

How can I tell the difference?

• Emotional intelligence, including anger, typically begins to manifest itself between the ages of 2 to 6.
• Tantrums and anger often subside over time with only occasional meltdowns.
• Shows anger between 2 and 6 when language and speech are developing.
• Tests limits and boundaries, but can listen and respond to authority figures when disciplined.
• Needs reassurance when angry, but eventually learns how to cope with anger and other emotions as they get older.
• Can usually pinpoint a situation that triggers or creates anger.
• Parents can reason and communicate about emotional outbursts with their child.
• Typically doesn’t show anger over small disruptions.

• Show signs of emotional immaturity, especially anger, after the age of 7.
• Can’t control emotional outbursts, anger and meltdowns, which often occurs on a regular basis.
• Shows anger when they can’t communicate or when a parent/teacher doesn’t understand them (typically after speech and language development).
• Anger or tantrums last more than 30 minutes.
• Behavior interferes with building relationships at home or at school.
• Causes bodily harm to themselves or to others on a regular basis.
• Shows defiance, aggression and unexplained spouts of anger towards authority figures/adults.
• Purposely breaks items, throws objects at others, and creates disorder in public places.

How do I help my child cope with anger?

• Talk through meltdowns and what made the child angry.
• Offer emotional and physical support to calm situations that cause anger.
• Provide a safe and comfortable environment for the child to release emotional tension.
• Participate in physical activity to calm symptoms (walks, park, swings).
• Validate the child’s feelings and what caused the anger.
• Teach your child that anger is a normal emotion and it’s ok to feel frustration at times.
• Comment on their good behavior and positive experiences with emotions.
• Take an interest in your child’s daily activities and accomplishments.
• When appropriate, use humor to lighten the mood.

• Find what triggers the anger or meltdowns (textures, communication, noise, light).
• Recognize it may be a result of a learning challenge (ADHD, SPD, Autism, Dyslexia, Anxiety) and seek professional help.
• Offer choices whenever possible for the most comfortable outcome.
• Carry sensory kits to calm anger (stress balls, blankets, chewy toys)
• Prep your child ahead of time for unfamiliar environments and surroundings (malls, family parties, stores).
• Bring calming music for them to listen to on your iPod.
• Participate in physical activity to calm symptoms (walks, park, swings).

What do I avoid with an angry child?

• Try not to escalate the child’s anger and emotional stress with yelling or hurtful words.
• Avoid situations that may point to spouts of anger.
• To prevent the child from feeling neglected, become more involved in school activities and quality time at home.
• If humor is used to help with anger, avoid using it when certain situations call for communicating with them about tough emotional issues.
• Don’t create leeway if rules are already set in place; follow through with consequences.
• Avoid punishment that doesn’t “fit the crime.”
• Avoid spanking as it may escalate the situation.

• Do not enable the child by allowing them to harm others or act inappropriately toward adults/authority figures.
• Don’t give into tantrums or meltdowns or it could cause more in the future.
• Avoid giving into the child one day and then taking it away the next; be consistent.
• Try not to say negative comments for small behavioral issues and use praise instead.
• Avoid situations that may lead to meltdowns or anxiety.
• Don’t leave certain objects behind if they are used for comfort.
• Avoid certain textures, noises, smells or irritations that may cause anger issues.