Anger is a normal and useful emotion. It can tell children when things are not fair or right.
But anger can become a problem if a child's angry behaviour becomes out of control or aggressive.
Why is your child so angry?
There arelots of reasons why your childmay seem more angry than other children, including:
- seeing other family membersarguing or being angry witheach other
- friendship problems
- being bullied – Anti-Bullying Alliance has information on bullying
- struggling with schoolwork or exams
- feeling very stressed, anxious or fearful about something
- copingwith hormone changes during puberty
It may not be obvious to you or your childwhy they're feeling angry. If that's the case, it's important to help them work out what might be causing their anger.
Tackle anger together
Team upwith your child to help them deal with their anger. This way, you letyour child knowthat the anger is the problem, not them.
With younger children, this can be fun and creative. Giveanger a name and try drawing it– for example, anger can be a volcano that eventually explodes.
How you respond to anger can influence how your child responds to anger. Making it something youtackle together can help you both.
Help your child spot the signs of anger
Being able to spotthe signs of anger early can help your child make more positive decisions about how to handle it.
Talk about what your child feels when they start to get angry. For example, they may notice that:
- their heart beats faster
- their muscles tense
- they clench their teeth
- they make a fist
- their stomach churns
Anger tips for your child
Work together to try to find out what triggers the anger. Talk about helpful strategies for managing anger.
You could encourage your child to:
- count to 10
- walk away from the situation
- breathe slowly and deeply
- clench and unclench their fists to ease tension
- talk to a trusted person
- go to a private place to calm down
Ifyou see theearly signs of anger in your child, say so. This gives them the chance to try their strategies.
Encourage regular active play and exercise
Staying active can be a way to reduce or stop feelings of anger. It can also be a way to improve feelings of stress, anxiety or depression.
For older children or young people, this could be simple activities, such as:
- a short walk
- jogging or running
- cycling
Read more about physical activity for children and young people.
Be positive
Positive feedback isimportant. Praise your child's efforts and your own efforts, no matter how small.
This will build your child's confidence in their ability to manage their anger. It will also help them feel that you're both learning together.
When to get help for anger in children
If you're concerned your child's anger is harmful tothemor people around them, you could talk to a:
- GP
- health visitor
- school nurse
If necessary, a GP may refer your child to a local children and young people's mental health services for specialist help.
CYPMHS is used as a term for all services that work with children and young people who have difficulties with their emotional or behavioural wellbeing.
You may also be able to refer your child yourself without seeing a GP.
Read more about where to get mental health support.
Further help and support for anger in children
For more support with anger in children, you could phone the YoungMinds parents' helpline freeon0808 802 5544 (9.30am to 4pm, Monday to Friday).
Other sources of help and support include:
- YoungMinds: parent's guide to supporting your child with anger
- YoungMinds: anger – a guide for young people
- MindEd for families: anger and aggression in children
If you have older children, find out more about talking to teenagers and coping with your teenager.
The Health for Teens website also has more about anger management
