Breakups are tough. Especially if you're looking for a second chance. Most relationships end in huge fights and it always seems unlikely that things could be fixed.
But breakups aren't inherently bad. Yes, they result in a lot of pain and hurt, but the real culprit is what led to the breakup. If anything, breakups are the universe's way of telling us to get our life in order.
And if you truly want to get back with your ex, you have to first fix what led to the breakup. If you don't do that, it won't matter whether your ex decides to come back or not. You guys would just end up breaking up again.
At some point though, you have to start looking out for actual signs that your ex wants to get back with you.
1. NOT CUTTING YOU OUT OF THEIR LIFE
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Your ex hasn't blocked your phone number.
You're not blocked on apps like WhatsApp or Snapchat.
Your ex didn't wipe you off her social media.
You're both still friends or following each other on social media.
There are still photos of you together on their account/profile.
Left-over stuff.
They still have some of your stuff at their place or vice versa.
- Maybe you've already discussed returning the stuff but they've made excuses, etc.
Oftentimes after a breakup, a person will try to get rid of anything that might remind them of their ex. They may remove their ex from their social media, delete all the photos and memories they have, block them, etc.
Conversely, if your ex is not trying to cut you out of their life and memories, they're probably not ready to let go of you completely. And that's a good sign that they're still open to the idea of getting back with you.
2. THEIR ACTIONS INDICATE THEY'RE THINKING OF YOU
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They're "stalking" you on social media.
Most social media platforms won't let us know when someone is just viewing our profile, but they may still leave likes and/or comments.
If you're leaving stories on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, then you can check who viewed them.
They send you DMs on social media occasionally.
They call/text you when something important happens.
Maybe they got a new promotion, etc.
They make sure to reach out on important occasions, like your birthday.
They "accidentally" call/text you and then apologize for bothering you.
They ask (mutual) friends to check on you.
Their social media updates and posts have been related to you or reminiscing about the time you two dated.
They might have told you they don't want to be with you anymore. But if their actions imply that they're still thinking about you or checking up on you, you probably still have a chance.
3. THEY'RE UNHAPPY AFTER THE BREAKUP
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Since your breakup, your ex hasn't been doing well.
Their social media posts are gloomy.
You run into each other and you've noticed how down they are.
If you ask their friends, they say your ex is "doing fine" rather than "they're great," etc.
Their loved ones have indicated as such.
Maybe their friends have approached you asking you to talk to your ex.
Maybe their mom called you saying how much your ex is missing you.
They started dating really quickly after the relationship ended.
Probably because they couldn't cope with being alone and kept thinking of you.
No one is happy after a breakup, but if it's been a while and your ex is still struggling, then they're probably still stuck up on you. Sometimes you can fool yourself into seeing something that isn't there, but if their loved ones are actually approaching you to let you know your ex misses you or to ask you to reach out to them, then it's a good chance they're considering getting back with you.
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You text each other frequently.
And their replies are generally longer than yours.
They initiate calls and texts as much as you, if not more.
If you call, they answer immediately or call back ASAP.
They call you whenever they get drunk, especially if they're alone.
Your conversations have been gradually getting more intense and longer.
They've been discussing their dreams, goals, and future with you.
They've opened up about something important to them.
They talk about you with their friends.
You might find out from the friends, or they might just mention it themselves.
They ask you for favors or advice.
Maybe you guys share things, like Netflix account, online documents, etc.
The majority of people don't stay in touch after a breakup. And getting back in proper contact is a crucial step towards winning an ex back. If you're both in regular contact and often talk with each other, you're doing very well! Especially if you guys had no contact or very little contact after the breakup at first.
5. YOUR EX WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU
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You still make plans to hang out with each other.
They invite you to hang out with them.
They're available when you try to make plans.
You guys end up spending weekends together.
Your ex is making an effort to stay close to you.
They often make excuses to see you.
They suddenly want to return your things or take something they left with you.
There's also a chance they want closure so they can move on.
- It's crucial to see how they act during the actual exchange. If your ex is in a hurry and not really engaging with you, they probably weren't looking for an excuse to meet you.
You see them hanging out around your usual spots.
You've been bumping into them more often lately.
If your ex wants to spend time with you, it's a very good sign. Especially if they weren't up for it right after the breakup. They probably miss you and think about you often, and might already be ready to get back with you, too. But just worried about rejection.
6. YOUR EX SAID YOU GUYS SHOULD JUST BE FRIENDS, BUT IT FEELS LIKE MORE
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Your ex treats you really nicely and special. Almost like you guys are still together.
Your ex isn't uncomfortable getting physical with you. They're touchy and give you long hugs and grab your arm, etc.
Temper your expectations if they're like this with everyone.
You guys flirt with each other.
Maybe they admit to you that they're having dreams about you.
You guys still get physically intimate, or they tried to.
Maybe they reached out for a booty call.
They may be looking for sex only, so if the intimacy is just extending to physical relations, you have to be careful.
Sometimes a couple will break up and decide to just be friends, but the actual relationship still feels like more than friendship. It usually means that your ex is not completely committed to the idea of breaking up, which makes it quite likely that you guys will get back together. However, if you guys are just having sex and nothing else, then they may not be looking for anything more.
7. YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLES STILL INTERSECT
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Your ex is in touch with your friends.
They ask your friends about you.
They don't necessarily have to be mutual friends, could be people they met through you.
- If your (mutual) friends happen to be their only friends, then this isn't as significant.
Your ex is in touch with your family.
This is a pretty big one since most people wouldn't want to stay in touch with their ex's family after a breakup.
- It could also be that they're just really close to your family and it isn't about getting back with you.
Their friends or family reach out to you regularly.
If their parents are still in touch with you, that's a very good sign.
If you guys have a lot of mutual friends, then it's probably not that important. Especially if you guys work or study together. But as far as contact with the family goes, that's a very good sign that your ex might consider getting back with you.
8. YOUR EX IS SECOND-GUESSING THE DECISION TO BREAK UP
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They're showing signs of regret.
Maybe you heard this from their friends.
Their friends or family have told you to hang in there, or support you both getting back together.
It probably means your ex has mentioned they're still considering getting back with you.
They bring up the past with you.
They talk about it fondly, telling old inside jokes and discussing memories.
They mention how good you both were together.
- Or maybe they just indicate that the relationship "wasn't that bad".
They ask to discuss what happened.
They tell you that the breakup helped them learn more about themselves.
They mention how things could've been better/different.
They take responsibility.
They take the blame for the breakup happening or talk about their part in the relationship failing.
They vocalize it themselves, that the breakup was a mistake.
Sometimes, breaking up just makes us realize how much we want to be with our ex instead. It can take a while, but if it feels like your ex is second-guessing your breakup, then it's a good chance you're close to winning them back.
9. YOUR EX ISN'T OVER YOU JUST YET
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Your breakup was never "official".
It's been a couple of weeks and your friends or family don't know you've broken up.
They literally tell you that they miss you or never stopped loving you.
This doesn't mean you can just get back together. The love or sense of longing isn't necessarily enough to change their mind about the reasons for breaking up.
When your ex sees you, there's a visible change in their behavior.
Maybe their eyes light up and they're unable to keep their attention off you.
Maybe they become really sad and quiet.
They ask or talk about how things would've been if you guys were still together.
Your ex hasn't been trying to date anyone new, even though it's been a while.
They voluntarily tell you that they're single.
Conversely, maybe they've been with a couple of new people since the breakup but no commitments, or they're just going on casual dates.
The reason here is pretty obvious - if your ex isn't over you, they're more likely to come back. That said, this is a stage that almost all people go through after a breakup. And depending on how the breakup went, it might be best to wait this stage out.
10. THE BREAKUP WAS BECAUSE OF "EXTERNAL" REASONS
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- You guys had a mutual breakup and ended things on good terms.
- You broke up because of long-distance or pressure from work.
- Maybe their family is against your relationship.
- One or both of you had been really stressed leading up to the breakup.
A mutual breakup or one that happened amicably indicates that you and your ex have a strong respect for each other and probably still consider that someone else would be lucky to be with either of you. And that makes it a lot easier to reconnect down the line. Especially if the breakup was because of reasons not directly under either of your control.
11. JEALOUS UNDERTONES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP POST-BREAKUP
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You guys are no longer in a relationship, but you feel like they still get jealous.
They are curious about your dating life and often ask you if you're dating someone new.
They try to make you jealous.
Maybe they've been posting a lot on social media after the breakup.
If it feels like they're becoming jealous of who you spend time with, or they're trying to make you jealous, they're likely considering getting back with you. If they're trying to make you jealous, it could also mean they're trying to "win the breakup". That's why it's important to see if you can spot any other signs as well.
12. THEY EXPRESS HAPPINESS ABOUT YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS/GROWTH
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- Your ex compliments you about something.
- They congratulate you on a recent professional achievement.
- They tell you they recognize that you've changed.
- They mention how much they respect you.
Compliments aren't easy to come by. And if your ex is giving you compliments or expressing happiness about your achievements, then it's a sign that they're thinking positively about you. If they're not already considering getting back with you a little bit, it at least lays the foundation for you to walk upon.
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