The writing is on the wall and sadly, both spouses concede that their marriage is not able to survive. Who is going to find adapting to life after divorce the most difficult — ex-husband or ex-wife? For a number of reasons, men and women do experience divorce differently. Research indicates life after divorce for men is more traumatic than it is for women, taking a more significant emotional toll as well as sparking physical deterioration. Women file for divorce 70% of the time, and when it’s a shock, with no time to prepare — that has a marked impact on how men handle divorce.
Women put work into being able to cope with grief
During marriage, women tend to foster more relationships with family and friends based on deep emotional connections than men. Thus, when divorce happens, there is a support network in place to help them grieve and recover. Many men, on the other hand, come to the abrupt realization that it was their spouse who invested the lion’s share of work into maintaining relationships during the marriage — and now those connections are justifiably retained by her and lost to him.
Men are also notoriously less likely to seek professional help. They bottle their emotions, believing that talking about their feelings or shedding tears makes them somehow “less of a man.” Thirty percent of men who live alone haven’t seen a physician within the past year and 42% don’t have a regular physician. “Toxic masculinity” — a term for harmful stereotypes about what it means to be a man — affects men’s mental, physical, emotional, and relationship health, and often contributes to them being afraid to ask for help from friends, family, physicians, or qualified therapists.
Men don’t get to see their children as often as they’re used to
A deep-cutting pain of divorce for men is the inability to see their children each morning, evening, or on weekends as they were accustomed to while married. Usually, the children’s mother is granted primary custody, and the man is granted limited time as part of a child custody schedule. The new, dreaded reality is becoming a “weekend dad.”
The time away from children provides men more time to dwell on the significant changes in their lives, while the responsibility of taking care of the children means mothers are able to be distracted and stay occupied. Anxiety can build in men as they worry about missing out on their children’s events and milestones, and losing the ability to help their children grow up with their dad constantly at their side.
Men’s health declines after divorce
Divorce impacts men’s health more than women. While women lean on support networks, go to work, and stay busy raising the children as the primary custodian, for men, there is a void they did not see coming. After divorce, there is no longer a partner there to encourage healthy habits or discuss everyday concerns. The aforementioned longer grieving period means men’s day-to-day activities become more sedentary and healthy routines fall by the wayside.
Men are more than twice as likely to suffer from post-divorce depression than women. Anxiety and hypertension are common in men after divorce, which can result in substance abuse and in the worst cases, suicide. Ten divorced men commit suicide in the U.S. each day. When poor mental health translates into a lack of will to eat properly and exercise adequately, post-divorce physical health risks can manifest in the form of cardiovascular disease and sometimes cancer.
Men must meet financial obligations
Meeting strict financial obligations is a primary source of stress for men after divorce. Both ex-spouses take a loss, but typically, men suffer a larger hit to their standard of living than women — between 10 and 40% — due to alimony and child support responsibilities, the need for a separate place to live, an extra set of household furniture and other expenses. And it is worse for men who provided less than 80% of the family’s income. These men have been shown to have a much tougher time making up for lost income.
New relationships only patch the heartbreak
Divorce grief is dealt with differently by men and women. Women, so often the instigators of divorce, can be more ready for a fresh life. Men’s behavior after divorce can set them up for years of hurt. When despairing men are stunned by recent divorce, it is common for them to be afraid to be alone, and so they rush into new relationships. The hurt from the divorce is never properly or professionally dealt with, causing new “replacement” relationships to subsequently fail.
Divorced men: You will never regret reaching out for help
If you are a man who feels intimidated by the concept of divorce and are not sure how to cope or structure your future, we invite you to contact Collins Family & Elder Law Group. We know how to provide the assistance you need to transition to a happy and fulfilled life post-marriage.
FAQs
Men tend to hang on to their marriages longer than women do, and they have more negative attitudes about divorce than women. Dealing with lost social connections, finances, and intimacy is more emotionally jarring, as well.
Why do men take divorce harder than women? ›
The identity of being a husband and family man is significant and has a lot of meaning for men. Marriage status is one of the most crucial determinants of self-identification and social recognition. When men divorce, they consider their status lost and find creating new social connections and partnerships challenging.
Why does divorce hurt men more? ›
Men usually build a small support network around them. They are not emotionally as close to their extended families and friends as women. In fact, for all the emotional support in the world, they mostly depend on their wives. So when they go through a divorce, men often feel lost, alone, and alienated.
Why is divorce more burdensome for women than for men? ›
Why is divorce more burdensome for women than for men? divorce is more burdensome for women than for men because women are more likely to retain the primary caregiving role after divorce and suffer financially because of it.
Why is divorce harder for women? ›
Divorce is assumed to have a "greater economic impact on women than men, and although we were able to take into account changes in income and home ownership, these may not fully capture changes in living conditions or economic hardship that may follow separation," said Metsä-Simola.
Why is divorce so unfair to men? ›
Even if you don't have children, you still may be subject to discrimination in your divorce simply because of your gender. Because men have historically been the breadwinners of the family, many have been forced to pay excessive amounts in spousal maintenance (alimony).
Why is it harder for men to get over divorce? ›
Men tend to hang on to their marriages longer than women do, and they have more negative attitudes about divorce than women. Dealing with lost social connections, finances, and intimacy is more emotionally jarring, as well.
Do most men regret divorcing their wives? ›
According to a survey, 39% of men regret being divorced.
Who suffers the most after a divorce? ›
Statistics show that while women initiate divorce almost twice the rate that men do, women are also much more likely to greatly struggle financially after divorce.
Who loses more after divorce? ›
Divorce is expensive, and researchers at the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis quantified some of the losses. After separation, men's incomes on average drop 17% while they decline 9% for women, researchers said in a blog post Monday.
Wives are, on average, significantly worse off than men following divorce, according to recent findings. London-based Opinium Research polled a representative sample of 2,750 divorced men and women for Legal and General.
Who suffers more financially after divorce? ›
There is a good body of research on the subject that shows women bear the heaviest financial burden when a couple divorces.
Are men happier after divorce? ›
Research has shown that divorce is harder on men than on women. Generally, men have more to lose in terms of happiness and health after a divorce than their wives.
Who takes divorce the hardest? ›
Divorce is never easy and it takes a toll on everyone involved. However, several studies have discovered that men tend to have a harder time coping with the aftermath of divorce than women do.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome? ›
So, what exactly is walkaway wife syndrome? In essence, it refers to wives who become so emotionally disconnected and dissatisfied with their marriages that they eventually decide to leave—often after years of built-up resentment. This isn't your typical cold feet or mid-life crisis.
Why do women divorce 80% of the time? ›
Women often feel less satisfied in marriages due to unmet emotional needs, poor communication, and lack of independence. The unequal division of domestic chores and childcare responsibilities, even when both partners work full-time, contributes to marital dissatisfaction among women.
Why are women happier than men after a divorce? ›
One reason women feel happier than men after a divorce, despite the financial repercussions, could be that “women who enter into an unhappy marriage feel much more liberated after divorce than their male counterparts,” according to Yannis Georgellis, director of the university's Centre for Research in Employment, ...
Who does better after divorce men or women? ›
Ultimately, the overall economic quality of a man's life, based on earnings and amount spent on living expenses, increases after his divorce. He continues to earn more but bears fewer family expenses. The overall economic quality of a woman's life, post-divorce, decreases.
Who regrets divorce more men or women? ›
About 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women. On top of that, 4 out of 10 men report feeling regret about getting divorced. For women, that number is only 27 percent.
Why are women divorcing more than men? ›
Women often feel less satisfied in relationships, which makes them more likely to initiate breakups. This lower satisfaction comes from various issues, like not feeling emotionally fulfilled, poor communication, and lack of independence in the relationship.
