Why Don't Guys Ask Me Out? 18 True Reasons That May Hold the Answer (2024)

There are several possible reasons if you’re asking yourself, “why don’t guys ask me out?” Don’t worry – you’re not alone! Here are the biggest reasons why.

In your dating life, it’s completely normal to start thinking, “why don’t guys ask me out?” We know you probably think something is wrong with you, but the fault isn’t always with you. There’s a saying, we accept the love we think we deserve, and that’s primarily where the reasons lie.

Maybe you always go for guys who have major red flags, and that’s why they never ask you out. Again, there are several reasons why men don’t take that leap into asking you out, but it’s not always because of your own flaws *sometimes, it’s also theirs*.

It could be you just haven’t encountered the right people, or you’re not looking in the right places *is there even a right place anyways? Who knows!*. [Read: The easiest and most charming ways to be more approachable to guys]

Why would guys refuse to ask you out?

Guys aren’t exactly known for being into relationships. Into women, yes, but relationships? Especially if the guys you usually go for are full of themselves or aren’t ready to be in a relationship.

They might, but you shouldn’t wait for them until they do. It’s easy to find fault in yourself when someone doesn’t seem interested in asking you out, but it’s not always because of you that guys fail to ask you out.

So if you’re wondering, why don’t guys ask me out, it’s essential to know all the reasons before you start blaming yourself.

[Read: Why isn’t he asking me out yet? – 17 reasons why!]

Why don’t guys ask me out? The real reasons why guys don’t want to date you

There is a multitude of reasons why guys fail to ask you out. In this feature, we’ll be listing down those reasons so you can have clarity, once and for all.

1. There is no actual reason

Listen, there may not be an actual reason why no one asks you out. Maybe it’s more of a “wrong place, wrong time” type of situation. Sometimes, we tend to overthink when things don’t go exactly as planned in our dating lives.

So before you start asking yourself why don’t guys ask me out, maybe there’s really no specific reason.

Maybe it’s not just the right season for you, or maybe you don’t go out enough. So, don’t automatically assume there’s something wrong with you because you don’t have a date.[Read: Single and ready to mingle? Why it’s important to get out more]

2. You’re not over your past

We all have a past, and for some of us, our pasts aren’t always pretty. Maybe you’re not fully over your ex, and to be honest, no one wants to get into a relationship with someone who hasn’t moved on from their ex.

Maybe you’re texting for a significant period, and you can’t stop moaning about how your ex broke your heart and how they’re a piece of sh*t. Your feelings are valid, but it can stop guys from asking you out.

After all, who wants to date someone who talks nonstop about their ex? They don’t want to be a filler or rebound, simple as that. [Read: How to know if your past with an ex is holding you back from a better future]

3. You just want a man

Do you wonder, why don’t guys ask me out, but then again, you say you don’t care who the guy is as long as you find one? You don’t really care who the man is; what’s important to you is that youhavea man. You’re using any guy as a way to fill the void in your heart and life.

The thing is, no guy would want to ask you out if you’re clearly just desperate for any man in your life, whoever it might be. Maybe you’re afraid of being alone, or maybe you have certain issues you don’t want to deal with, but this hinders you from getting asked out.

4. You believe you’re flawless

Everyone has flaws. But what’s important is you recognize your flaws and understand that your potential boyfriend doesn’t need to appreciate toxic behavior.

If you have a superiority complex or always think that you’re above others, most guys won’t be motivated to ask you out.

This is one of the circ*mstances where if you’re asking yourself, why don’t guys ask me out, the problem really is yourself. If there’s something that needs to be fixed or worked on, don’t ignore it. [Read: Do you understand and embody the 15 qualities a person should have?]

5. You don’t know what you want

You don’t necessarilyneedto know what you want, but saying you want a serious relationship and then treating this guy like a booty call isn’t creating a clear understanding of what the relationship is.

If you’re not sure what you want, you don’t necessarily need to act on it. Indecisiveness isn’t an attractive trait on anyone, so if you don’t know what you want, this can put guys off from dating you or even asking you out.

6. You don’t have the same future as them

Maybe you want to live on a farm with ten dogs and have a couple of chickens. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But if you’re living in the middle of New York City, then men you’re meeting may not be interested in having that lifestyle in the future. [Read: 12 life questions to help you visualize your future]

Even if asking you out is just the first of many steps to take, it’s just not practical to ask someone out who wants a different future than you do.

Why would you risk getting your heart broken if you knew from the start you wanted different things, right?

7. You’re focusing on men who are into themselves

If you’re asking, why don’t guys ask me out, this is a pretty big reason for why this is the case. If a guy is so narcissistic and self-absorbed that he focuses on nobody but himself, then it’s only natural he won’t even think of asking you out.

The only person he prioritizes is himself, nobody else. So you can’t expect him to ask you out when the thought probably never popped in his head. [Read: 15 signs of low self-esteem in women that can sabotage your life]

8. You’re not going with the flow

It’s hard to be relaxed and chill when you really like a guy. But if you’re too aggressive, it’s a turn-off and seen as a warning. Slow things down and try to let them flow naturally. No matter how much you like him, you won’t get anywhere if you aggressively pursue a guy early on.

Guys love a challenge, so if you’re already giving him everything without him chasing after you, then what’s the point of asking you out? [Read: Why do guys love the chase? And how to use this secret in your favor]

9. They’re scared of rejection

You’ll be surprised how many men are scared of rejection. And it’s completely understandable. No one wants to be rejected when they put themselves out there.

If this is the reason, assess whether you’re coming off too strong to him or giving the impression you make it a habit to reject guys.

But if this is the reason, you can be certain that it’s not about you, but more about his fear of rejection. [Read: All the reasons why men don’t approach you – And easy hacks to fix this]

10. Mendowant to ask you out

But you’re just not noticing the ones who are interested in you. This happens all the time. It’s not that men don’t want to ask you out, but some may be ones who you never considered as possible partners.We tend to do this all the time since we’re so focused on the guys we do want.

But what about the guys who want you and are dreaming of having you? Did you think about the fact that some men want to ask you out, but they’re not the ones you do want?

11. Some guys like it easy

What can we say? Not all guys want a challenge. This doesn’t mean you should become “easy.” You could just be coming across guys who want an easy and quick-rewarding experience. We know we’ve said earlier that guys tend to like a challenge, but this doesn’t go for all guys.

If a guy is serious about dating you and has a long-term relationship in mind, yes, he wants a challenge. But if he just wants to sleep with you, he’d prefer someone who’d go all out within a date or two.

We all have different preferences, and the same goes for guys. If you’re looking for something more than a fling or one-night stand, then this isn’t going to work for you. [Read: The classy girl’s guide to being more attractive to men]

12. They think you’re already taken

Some men, without asking, simply assume you’re already taken. So, they don’t bother to approach you. Plus, if his friends like you, he may not try to ask you out, as he’s probably figuring out his odds and assuming they’re slim-to-none.

If you don’t know one another yet, then you can do something to change that and subtly let him know you’re single, too! [Read: The art of letting a guy know you’re interested without being overeager]

13. They’re playing it cool

Believe it or not, some guys don’t ask you out yet because they’re trying to play it cool. Maybe it’s too soon or they’re trying to get to know you more over text.

If you’re asking the question, why don’t guys ask me out, then they might just be waiting for the right moment to ask you out once they get to know you better.

Even if the point of a date is still to get to know someone, guys can also be picky with compatibility and chemistry. You wouldn’t go out with someone you don’t have the aspects you desire, why would they? [Read: How to play it cool with a guy without being too distant or clingy]

14. They don’t feel good enough

Contrary to popular belief, men get insecure, too. Maybe the reason he isn’t asking you out is that he’s still dealing with his insecurities. He doesn’t want to project his insecurities and inadequacy on you as he feels that won’t be fair for you.

So he doesn’t ask you out until he deals with his baggage on his own. This might sting, but it’s a pretty mature reason if you think about it. [Read: How to finally get over the fear of not being good enough]

15. They want a casual relationship

He’s never going to ask you out if his priority is finding a casual relationship, fling, one-night-stand, or friends with benefits. You don’t ask out the girl you’re just messing around with, after all.

So if it turns out that you actually have feelings for him and he sees this as a casual thing, then you’ll always nurse a hope that he’ll ask you out. He’s not changing anytime soon, so you might as well give up. [Read: What does friends with benefits mean to a guy? Do they ever get hooked?]

16. They don’t know if you like them back

Would you ever ask someone out if you didn’t know they had feelings for you? Probably not. It takes a lot of guts to do this, and given that most guys are afraid of rejection, he probably won’t ask you out without an assurance.

Unless you tell him directly or subtly that you like him, he won’t make a move if this is the case. So if you’re asking yourself, why don’t guys ask me out, maybe he’s just waiting for the signs you like him back! [Read: How to let a guy know you’re interested without being overeager]

17. They’re hung over their ex

They don’t bother asking you out *or any girl for that matter* because they still love their ex. Maybe they just got out of that relationship, or they still love them but clearly, dating is still too much for them.

Talking to someone and asking them out are two different things, and maybe they’re just not ready to take things to the next level with any girl just yet. [Read: Are you still in love with your ex?]

18. They’re shy and awkward

There’s always the possibility that they could be shy about asking you out and find it intimidating to do so.

If this is the reason, then you’re always free to ask him to hang out! It’s the modern dating era, and girls can make the first move without being perceived as too strong. So go on, text your crush and ask them out!

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So, why don’t guys ask you out?

The reason why he doesn’t ask you out is a combination of both his and your fault. Maybe you text all the wrong guys, maybe one of you isn’t ready to date someone else, or maybe they’re still dealing with baggage.

With all these reasons above, hopefully, you’ve better understood why guys don’t ask you out. Of course, you can always take matters into your own hands and ask them out instead!

[Read: 15 sneaky, yet, powerful, ways to get a guy to ask you out in no time]

If you’ve been wondering, why don’t guys ask me out, well, now you know why! It doesn’t always have to do with you, but it can also be caused by their fears, insecurities, and baggage.