Planning a wedding is an event in itself, but who pays for what? It's helpful to have a firm budget in place to keep spending on track. This is especially true as the cost of a wedding can be a financial burden for some, reaching an average of $33,000 in the United States in 2024. That's a $4,000 increase from 2023. Keep in mind that average costs for venues, caterers, planners, and entertainment will widely vary by location.
As you undertake wedding planning, figuring out how you'll pay for your wedding is an important part of keeping the event happy and stress-free. How you handle these discussions can shape future family relationships for a long time afterward. And of course, there's the effect on your budget during the first years of your marriage. Here's what you need to think about and what to do next.
Key Takeaways
- The bride's family pays for the wedding, but that custom is rapidly changing.
- Couples are increasingly choosing to handle at least half of the wedding expenses on their own.
- Early planning and a written budget can help avoid miscommunication when deciding who pays for what.
- Establishing a joint account for wedding funds can be a good move for couples.
- Different cultures and family traditions may dictate who pays for a wedding.
What Traditional Wedding Etiquette Says About Who Pays
The norm has been for the bride's family to cover wedding expenses. This tradition comes from the tradition of a dowry. This ancient custom, which dates back to the Roman Empire, was a gesture from the bride's family to offset the cost of her living expenses.
"The notion of the bride's family paying for the wedding evolved from the tradition of a dowry, where the bride's family transferred property or money to the husband or husband's family upon marriage," says Cynthia Meyer, a certified financial planner (CFP) at Real Life Planning in the greater New York area.
Though this rule isn't set in stone, it's one that many couples have chosen to follow over the centuries. The groom's family, meanwhile, has traditionally picked up the tab for the rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, and/or alcohol for the reception. The groom himself may be expected to pay for a variety of expenses, including:
- Engagement and wedding rings
- Marriage license and officiant
- Groomsmen's gifts
- Wedding day gift for the bride
- Corsages, boutonnieres, and the bride's bouquet
This may be tradition, says Meyer, but the traditional model is evolving. "As couples modernize wedding planning and are getting married later after establishing careers, more of them are paying all—or a substantial portion—of the costs of their own weddings," she says. "Who pays for what is more flexible."
How to Divide Wedding Expenses
The sooner you discuss who pays for what for a wedding, the better. Saving for a wedding takes time and some financial strategizing.
"My suggestion for engaged couples is to communicate early and discuss the details," says Christian Stewart, founder and lead financial coach. "Don't assume that anyone will pay for anything, even if they promised you something."
With that in mind, these tips can help you decide how best to split up wedding costs.
Start With Your Budget
No matter who's funding the wedding, you need to have a budget in place as the first step, Stewart says. Creating your budget may mean prioritizing certain costs over others to make sure the total expense is realistic. A joint Brides-Investopedia wedding survey found that couples budget about $20,000 for a wedding, on average.
56%
The percentage of couples who reported going over their wedding budgets. These couples spent an average of $7,900 more than they originally planned.
For example, if it's important to have a specific venue for the ceremony or reception, you may need to make a trade-off elsewhere in your budget, such as the flowers or decorations. Meyer says couples should begin with a budget they can afford first, then approach their families about helping with some of the costs.
That way, if neither set of parents can or wants to help financially with wedding costs, the couple can still manage the expenses on their own without sacrificing the most important elements of their wedding vision.
"Put together a clear budget with low, medium, and high options," Meyer says. "The low budget is what you canpayfor yourselves as a couple without going broke or into significant debt. The medium option is a reasonable compromise and assumes some parental financial involvement. The high option is for when either/both sets of parents want to invite many of their own guests and are willing to contribute enough to cover the costs—and you’re willing to have that kind ofwedding."
This brings up another good point: Couples who pay for their wedding have the most say over the kind of wedding they have.
Determine What Is Reasonable
Having an overall wedding budget in place for the wedding is an important step, but there's something else you need to do next. When you've established what your families will (or won't) contribute to the wedding costs, you need to decide how you as a couple will divvy up your share of the expenses.
This is where things can get trickier if one of you makes significantly more than the other—or one of you is working on paying down a sizable amount of debt. Stewart and her husband decided to split all of the costs as much as possible when they planned their wedding. Stewart pulled money from her savings account to reserve the venue, and her future husband worked overtime to contribute additional funds to a joint account they'd established for wedding expenses. According to the Brides-Investopedia wedding survey, 48% of those actively planning their weddings already share joint financial accounts.
But that type of sharing arrangement may not be ideal for you, so it's important to decide what constitutes an equitable split. A simple way to do this is to compare incomes. If you earn half of what your future spouse does, it might naturally make sense for them to contribute more money to the wedding.
Just make sure that you talk it through thoroughly to make sure you're both comfortable with the arrangement. You don't want to start off your marriage with any lingering resentment because the person who paid more for the wedding feels overburdened by it. In that scenario, Meyer and Stewart both agree that it's better to instead scale the wedding down to make it affordable for both of you.
The Brides-Investopedia wedding survey found that nearly nine out of 10 respondents saidthey've put off at least one major financial priorityto pay for their wedding, such as saving for a home, starting or growing a family, and saving for retirement.
Taking on debt could allow you to expand your wedding budget if you're not receiving financial help, but that could make managing your life and household as a newly married couple more difficult.
Are There Different Rules for Same-Sex Couples?
Prior year reports suggest that these couples may be more likely to handle their own wedding costs due to a lack of financial support from their families. That can change the family aspect of planning the financing for a wedding, but when it comes to determining who shares costs as a couple, the guidelines are essentially the same.
LGBTQ+ couples can opt for a 50/50 split or divide expenses differently, based on their incomes, savings, and ability to pay. The things to cover include setting up a joint wedding savings account and discussing together whether to use loans or credit cards to pay.
Which Family Typically Pays for a Wedding?
Historical custom often leads to the bride's family paying for the wedding. This has been seen as a historical gesture to help pay for future support of the bride. Over time, this custom has been radically changed, with different family traditions and cultural practices now taking precedence. For any given wedding, the family that pays for it can be on either side of the aisle.
What Expenses Are the Responsibility of the Groom's Family?
Traditional has it so the groom's family plan and host the rehearsal dinner held on the night before the wedding. Other traditions have it so the groom's family pay for corsages, boutonnieres, or lodging for the groom's attendants. In other cases, the groom's family may cover expenses as part of a family tradition (such as the groom's family always paying for the wedding cake).
Do Parents Still Pay for Weddings?
Every couple's situation is different. So while some couples pay for their weddings themselves, others get contributions from their families to help offset the cost. According to the website Brides, over 50% of parents chip in for their children's wedding expenses. However, this may be radically different per wedding. In some cases, parents may decide to cover all expenses, while parents are more willing (and able) to pay a small portion.
How Much Does a Wedding Cost?
In addition to different trends, the cost of a wedding can greatly vary not only on location but on the amenities purchased. According to Zola, an average wedding in 2024 will cost around $33,000.
The Bottom Line
Deciding who pays what for wedding expenses shouldn't be a source of stress. Working together as a couple to set your budget and discuss wedding costs with your respective families can help you find an arrangement that works for everyone. What you decide should reflect your personal and financial values. In many cases, cultural traditions and individual family traditions decide who pays for what when it comes to weddings.