Like Delegation /Abdication , another pair of words we confuse interchangeably is : Aggressiveness & Assertiveness …. They are not the same .
oAggression is more to do more with the person , Assertion is exhibited more in the matter
oAggressiveness is more constitutional … a personal trait , Assertiveness is more in practice & can be acquired
oLoss of discretion is mostly concurrent with display of aggression , whereas assertion is a more conscious practice
oSince it is an impulsive act , chances of regret is higher in case of aggression , not as much so with being assertive . In a rather loose manner I can say that Assertion mixed with emotion / passion becomes Aggression .
Like any other emotion , exercise of aggression by choice / with awareness can be very effective ; it is when we lose our awareness ( which is mostly the case )in exercising emotion is when we often make a mistake . Emotion is like a horse …. Whether the animal works for us or takes us into the wilderness , depends on whether we are riding the horse or vice versa .
oIdea here is not to attach a prescriptive label of Good / Bad to either of these two words ; it is just that we need to be well aware of what is what & when , how it will work for us
It is my experiential assertion that contrary to popular misconception ; to be effective , you don’t need to be aggressive , just being assertive will help .
There is nothing bad or wrong about being aggressive in nature ; one just needs to be conscious that it is a part of you and how / when to use as a resource to his / her advantage .
oMore importantly if you are not naturally aggressive , putting up artificially doesn’t work … like a good fashion , it works only when you know how to carry it off . You are at your best , only when you play yourself , not as someone else you are not .
I share with you here a story of a Snake & a Sage ,from our scriptures which brings out the difference in meaning & application between Aggression & Assertion .
There was a snake in a jungle who was very unhappy that all passersby were scared of him and used to avoid by miles . He seemed to be interested in being liked & not shunned … to be included & not avoided
oHe shared his grief with a Sage once , passing through the jungle & asked for a remedial advice . The sage made him realise that it was his fear ( that the snake will bite ) which was keeping people away , therefore the sage advised him to not be of nuisance to people but see if he could be more friendly to people.
oFrom the next day the snake became conscious of any gesture which may scare people . He decided to lie down peacefully along the side of a without doing anything .It seemed to work for a while , but to his surprise , in a few days , as people got used to this , they developed an acquired belligerence for a reverse aggression, they started pelting stones towards the snake – which used to hurt him
Next time when the sage was passing that side ,the snake complained to the sage that the sage’s advise on being peaceful didn’t help as the people started to take advantage of his new situation .
oThe wise sage then helped him to understand thus – He said , “ I told you to not be of nuisance to others , I did not ask you to go to other extreme & be docile . I asked you to not scare or bite people , it did not mean that you lose your identity & be taken for granted ” .
o“I asked you not to be aggressive by biting & injecting venom ;but you can assert your identity through “ hissing “ … so that no one takes you for granted ”
It is important in life to exert & hold your identity and assert yourself if necessary to be heard & be successful --- you really don’t need to be aggressive .
