I’ve held a lot of roles in my life, from ballet dancer all throughout my childhood, to journalism student in college, and various employee positions after, from marketing associate to wedding blog editor. Typically the terms used to describe such roles did a decent job at such; they didn’t cover every single detail of what I was doing but you got the basic gist, and you understood that there was even more behind the words themselves. I was a journalism student but you understood that I was writing, reading, and partying during the entire fulfillment of that role.
I’ve worn these past roles, and the terms used to define them, proudly. I’ve pasted them on LinkedIn, Instagram profiles, and used them casually and confidently in conversation.
So when asked what I do these days, when asked what I am, how do I respond?I struggle and I stumble over the words: I’m a stay-at-home mom. There has to be a better professional term for stay-at-home moms.
Why does this term have such a negative connotation in my mind? It’s technically true; I stay at home, I do not work outside my house. It is a role I have happily chosen, I’d like to note, and I am not blind to that privilege. But to use the term to describe my day-to-day feels shallow.
It takes my current role, and whittles it down to focus solely on the traditional, narrow view of “work,” the type of work that brings home the bacon, that pays the bills. And yes, I agree, the work that I do all day, the hard work, does not pay the bills. But it allows my partner to do so with a lot more ease than if I was not a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).
‘SAHM’ takes my current role, and whittles it down to focus solely on the traditional, narrow view of ‘work,’ the type of work that brings home the bacon, that pays the bills.
The History of the Term “Stay-at-Home Mom”
For most of history, women who fulfilled the role of today’s SAHM were considered housewives. Not surprisingly, the term garnered a negative connotation and by the 1970s, “housewife” transitioned to homemaker. But only a decade later, it too started to feel outdated, ushering in the “stay-at-home mom” label come the 1980s.
It was during the 1980s and 1990s that two entities–science and politics–helped to shape and promote the classic “stay-at-home mom” image that we associate it with today, explains Grant Barrett, a linguist, author, co-host of the podcast A Way With Words, and officer of the American Dialect Society.
During this era, science on the education of children started to mature, says Grant. We learned more about what makes great families. And while today, we can confidently say that great families come in all shapes, sizes and arrangements, the traditional view of a “stay-at-home mom” was put on a pedestal at this point. Other options were not as eagerly embraced. On the political side, society embraced a conservative approach, with a focus on nuclear families. This only further promoted the stay-at-home mom ideal.
Fast forward to 2023: the term has taken some downward turns as mothers’ roles, in and out of the house, continue to diversify and expand, and today, we’re stumbling over this chunky, annoying phrase.
Plain and simple, it feels outdated.
What Else Can We Label Stay-at-Home Moms?
While the term may sound stale and overly simple, my current role is far from that. Yes, as a mother who does not leave the house for money-making purposes my days are focused primarily on caring for and raising our three children. But they are filled with so much more than just that.
I transport, clean, cook, launder, shop, organize, worry, plan and more from the moment my eyes open to the moment they close. I also work tirelessly to fit in activities that fuel me, from endlessly reading, and volunteering at my sons’ schools, to researching ways to contribute to our community, and dreaming big writer dreams.
Since having children almost six years ago, I’ve never felt as creative, as energized and excited about life and all that it has to offer, whether that is seeing my oldest son ice skating for the first time, or deciding to dive into personal projects with a renewed passion. I’ve never felt more motivated to become a better person, for myself and my family.
It’s ironic that during a phase of life where time for myself is at its most limited, I’ve never felt more inspired to use it in the best ways possible.
It’s ironic that during a phase of life where time for myself is at its most limited, I’ve never felt more inspired to use it in the best ways possible.
The Community of Stay-at-Home Moms
I’m not alone. There is a growing number of us; mother’s who are embracing the role of main caregiver during the day but also actively involved in more, from volunteering to exploring entrepreneurial and freelance opportunities, new hobbies, personal development and growth, and more. The vibrant MU community is proof of this.
And with more and more flexible work opportunities, from at-home positions to part-time hours, the traditional SAHM label really doesn’t do many of us justice.
We are far from stagnant, shut-in mothers. And while some details may differ, I have a feeling that mothers have always been more than just that. And yet, we’ve been branded with this term.
I can only directly speak from my own personal experience, and that is one where the SAHM declaration isn’t full of pride; I feel that I’d receive far more complimentary looks at a co*cktail party if I stated a different form of work.
