The story for this week is about silence. I've been house-sitting at my friend's house, and it's like a retreat of silence. The neighborhood is quiet, and the beauty of the silence helps me listen to myself and my heart. It has been a good time for self-reflection, and the insights have flowed. However, at times my mind wanders into all sorts of crazy places, as it often does. My imaginative mind comes up with some wild stories, even surprising me at times. During these moments, my anxiety rises, and with it comes the best journaling and self-reflection.
The silence allows me to connect with The Universe or God, where I feel the oneness of life and reminds me that only love is real. I am comfortable sitting in silence without any distractions like music, podcasts, or YouTube. In fact, I love silence because it helps me gain perspective and provides the space to be.
What does silence mean to you?
The silence within is of utmost importance. It holds a significance that surpasses all else. To quiet the mind, even for a fleeting moment, is to experience a sense of liberation. In that stillness, I find freedom. It allows me the space to listen to my intuition and perceive the signs that surround me, gently guiding me along my chosen path.
Being in tune with the flow of the universe is a concept that I've contemplated numerous times, yet I still struggle to fully grasp its meaning. The challenge lies in the fact that certain experiences cannot be adequately expressed through words alone; they can only be truly understood through personal encounters and a profound sense of connection.
My client, Jane grappled with feelings of self-worth within her relationship with her significant other, Bill. She believed that she had to break the silence between them, as the quiet moments terrified her to the point where she would prepare to say something, anything, just to avoid the awkwardness. However, I've noticed a contrasting dynamic in my conversations with a particular friend. The silence between us often communicates more than our words ever could. It becomes a gift that allows our hearts to connect and express things that words simply cannot convey. In both scenarios, the silence serves as a reflection of the deeper nature of the relationships, acting as mirrors between the individuals involved and as a reflection of their self-concept.
I've witnessed the transformation of Jane and Bill's relationship after each of our sessions. It's important to note that we're not actively working on their relationship, but it naturally evolves as Jane undergoes personal growth. Consequently, Bill unwittingly becomes a mirror to her, which is inherent to this type of work. It's easy to be triggered by what may appear as negative behavior. However, it's crucial to clarify that I am not advocating for anyone to remain in a relationship where there is any form of abuse, or where one feels uncomfortable, unsafe, or fearful. Please keep these thoughts in mind and always approach these matters with an open mind.
Now, let's delve back into Jane and Bill's story. It's easy to be triggered by Bill's actions and point fingers, attributing the abuse solely to him. However, if we shift our perspective to a higher, more spiritual vantage point, the abuse may start to make sense. For Jane, the silence between her and Bill is deafening. It compels her to fill it with words, as the anxiety that arises from the silence becomes unbearable. The weight of the silence itself is heavy. In fact, she dreads it so much that she doesn't even hear what Bill is saying; his voice becomes nothing more than background noise. This monstrous silence has influenced their relationship to the extent that Jane would rather run away and be alone than be with Bill. Something has shifted within their dynamic, altering their once playful and open connection. Consequently, Bill senses Jane slipping away on an unconscious level, and he instinctively seeks ways to reconnect with her. However, he is unaware of this underlying shift and attempts to elicit a reaction from her through negative behavior, hoping to restore the familiar status quo and bring them back to where they once were. Unfortunately, he doesn't realize that returning to the past is not possible since Jane is actively working on herself while he remains unchanged. As a result, he becomes increasingly verbally abusive, causing Jane to further withdraw and shut down. The silences between them grow louder and more agonizing, reaching a point where Jane would prefer solitude over his company.
In the paid version of this newsletter, we explore potential solutions and discuss the strategies employed with Jane. Additionally, there is a private community chat where real-time Q&A sessions take place, allowing participants to relate the insights to their own situations. If this piques your interest, feel free to join us.
Here's a quote that resonates with the situation: "The silences are filled with heaviness, recriminations, self-doubt, and fear. It's easy to let the voice of the verbal abuser become your own, affecting your self-worth. It's easy to see yourself through their wounded eyes and believe you're worthless." CG
I want to emphasize that I am not downplaying the effects of verbal abuse on the abused. I have personally experienced the pain and anguish it inflicts. The despair I felt was profound and dark. To cope, I sought solace in food and chocolate, as many do with their addictions. However, the more I consumed to mask my pain, to escape from myself and the world, the worse I felt. The abuse intensified. The more I ate to drown out the silence, the more I grew to despise myself. I would berate myself for not being good enough, for not measuring up to someone else's standards of a good wife, mother, or any other role you can imagine. His accusations varied each day, but the outcome was always the same. The more I withdrew, the more I ate, the more I loathed myself, and the more I contemplated ending my life. The silence, for me, in those moments was a welcome reprieve from his taunting behaviors. It was only when I stood up and said, "Enough," and realized that I was solely responsible for my life, that I didn't have to allow him to mentally abuse me. When I realized that I am enough and I have the right to live a life free from abuse, everything changed for me.
In conclusion, the theme of silence weaves through the contrasting stories of Jane and Bill, my past self, and my present self with my amazing friend. Silence, at times, can be a source of fear and discomfort, where it becomes deafening and oppressive, forcing us to fill the void with any words just to avoid awkwardness. Yet, there is another side to silence, one that holds a profound significance.
As Jane and Bill navigate their relationship, the weight of silence hangs heavily upon them, reflecting deeper aspects of their connection and self-perception. Jane finds herself fearing the silence, to the point of losing touch with what Bill is truly saying, while Bill unknowingly reacts to the shifting dynamics, desperately seeking to restore the connection they once had.
Meanwhile, on my journey, I discovered the power of silence through my friendship. The silences shared with my incredible friend speak volumes, transcending words and allowing our hearts to connect in ways that language can never express. These silences are treasured gifts, giving us the space to communicate on a deeper level and strengthen our bond.
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Through these diverse experiences, I learned that silence is not merely the absence of noise; it is a realm where intuition and inner guidance flourish. In the stillness, we can hear the whispers of our own hearts and perceive the subtle signs guiding us along our paths. It is within these moments of silence that we find freedom, a respite from the incessant chatter of our minds.
Silence holds the potential for self-discovery and empowerment. It teaches us to value our own worth and refuse to accept abuse or mistreatment. When we realize that we are solely responsible for our lives and have the right to live free from harm, we can rise above the shadows of self-doubt and claim our own strength.
Let us embrace the power of silence, as we navigate the complexities of relationships and our own personal journeys.
Let us cherish the moments when words fade away, allowing us to connect on a profound level with ourselves and others. May silence guide us toward authenticity, self-empowerment, and the realization that we are deserving of love, respect, and a life free from abuse.
In the paid version of this newsletter, we delve deeper into the solutions and strategies used with Jane, offering insights and support for those facing similar challenges. Additionally, our private community chat provides a space for real-time Q&A and the opportunity to relate these stories back to your own situation. Join us if you are intrigued and seek further guidance.
Remember, silence has its own language, and within its embrace, we can discover a world of self-discovery, healing, and transformation.
Have you ever experienced the weight of silence in your relationships or within yourself? How has it influenced your perception of self-worth and the dynamics of those relationships? Share your thoughts and insights with us. Or join us on the private chat.
Thank you for reading.
Until next time, enjoy the silence!
Blessings
Carina
P.S. For some more inspiration and courage, watch this throwbackBreakFearFindFreedomPodcast episode on how to follow your path with courage.
