The Power of No Response in Dating (2024)

The Power of No Response in Dating (1)

Ina Balke by Ted Russell 1964

Whether it is a heated argument or a flatlining flirtation, having the last word isn’t always the ideal end-goal when it comes to dating. Sometimes when we want the conversation to end, we want to cinch it with a final thought. We want to get our point across, and never have to hear from the offending party again. Or, we desperately want the conversation to continue, but the object of our affections is hardly throwing us a bone. What to say? We say … nothing.

Michelle Afont, relationship expert, divorce lawyer, and multi-published author whose most recent work is The Dang Factor, says to say nothing, too. “Silence is powerful. Refusing to engage with someone can be one of the most liberating moments of your life. A desire to refrain from texting back or posting on social media is a monumental turning point and the first step to taking your power back.”

That’s right, no response is a bigger power move than a response. It says, “I’m bigger than your microaggressions or passive-aggressive behavior.” It says, “You can’t hurt me anymore, because I simply don’t care.” It says, “I don’t have time for this petty bullsh*t.”

Or, it encourages more. “You’re gonna have to work harder than that if you want to keep my attention, honey.” It says, “Tell me something interesting, because I’m getting bored.” It says, “I’ll wait until you’re more engaged before trying to force a conversation out of you.” It says, “I’m not desperate.”

And if it’s a situation when we are really just over it, Afont calls it the valuable point of indifference. “Reaching the point of indifference in a potential relationship is powerful. Indifference means not caring. Not caring means you are now in control of your emotions and actions. The act of not responding is liberating. It’s boundary-setting. No response means you have reached the point where you are in control of who you give your time and energy to.”

Having the last word or constantly having a retort doesn’t necessarily mean power. It could showcase a reach for power, but not necessarily a grasp on it. “It is crucial to listen to your gut when deciding whether or not to engage with someone who is contacting you. Something may be making you not want to respond. Listen to that something. Responding equals prolonging. By responding, you are simply prolonging the inevitable end to a relationship with no future.”

That may come off as harsh, but why should we waste our time? If they can’t captivate us, next! If they can only upset us, next! Cut it now by going silent, or make them show up and show some initiative. “No answer is their answer. Let your silence speak for you.”

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The Power of No Response in Dating (2024)

FAQs

Is no response a powerful response? ›

The power of no response lies in its ability to convey a multitude of messages without uttering a single word. For example, when someone ignores a message or fails to answer a question, it can indicate a lack of interest or engagement.

Why is not responding so powerful? ›

The choice not to respond sends a loud and unequivocal message to those who are waiting for a reply. You either don't care, are too busy to respond, or have already forgotten and moved on with your day.

What is the psychology behind not replying to texts? ›

If someone isn't responding to your texts, they might just be taking time to process your message and come up with a response. Text anxiety, ADHD, or digital burnout are also possible reasons that someone might feel too overwhelmed or anxious to reply to your text right away.

Why is no reaction powerful? ›

The Benefits of Not Reacting

This can lead to negative outcomes in our personal and professional lives. On the other hand, not reacting allows us to take a step back and assess a situation before responding. This can result in better decision-making, improved relationships, and reduced stress.

How long is too long without a response? ›

A week gives the person enough time to thoughtfully respond.

The person you're chatting with could still be interested even if they've gone dark for a little while. It may feel like a long time waiting for them to reach out, but keep your hopes up that they'll text you back.

Why is silence the best answer? ›

It may seem difficult not to say something at that point and express our anger, but silence is the best answer. Silence is not empty, it's full of answers and has its own language. Some people consider silence as the victory of the one who is speaking.

Why do avoidants not text back? ›

The avoidant keyword is dismissing. They tend dismiss feelings and the need for connection. They're worried about getting engulfed in their relationships, by the other person's needs, and their own feelings, which they often don't even know they are having. They're largely unaware of their needs.

Is ignoring texts toxic? ›

Although it is a commonplace to employ this kind of behavior, this is termed "the silent treatment" and is actually considered an extremely problematic and passive aggressive way of communicating with others.

When a guy leaves you on Unread? ›

Lack of interest: If someone consistently leaves messages unread, it could indicate a lack of interest or investment in the conversation or relationship. Miscommunication or misunderstanding: Sometimes, messages can be misinterpreted or misunderstood, leading to confusion or uncertainty.

Why is silence a powerful response? ›

Silence is a moment of Zen in which you can see the positive and negative coexisting together. Silence is the power to mindfully choose to stay out of the negative space, and not to say hurtful words back. It takes true strength to hold your tongue and not succumb to negative energy.

Why is it better to not respond? ›

No response is a powerful response when it's filling the place of an I Told You So. You already said what you had to. Your silence and just looking at them shows, the person was warned but chose not to listen. Silence is also powerful when the situation is so good or so bad, words aren't needed.

Is no reply better than a reply? ›

Not receiving a message for a long time disturbs the sender and hinders further communication. Sometimes, no response is much better than a response. However, there's no rule to this. If you find it challenging to deal with a blunt “no,” then no response may be much better than a response for you.

What does it mean when you get no response? ›

If you still get no answer, consider the lack of response means they just aren't interested. In this case, the term “no response is a response” holds true.

Is silence a powerful response? ›

Staying silent can be just as powerful as the words you mean to say, like when the act of hugging can be more comforting than saying, “I'm sorry for your loss.” Unless you can elevate the conversation by pointing out something interesting, missing, or beneficial, it's best to just observe and learn.

Do you believe silence to be a strong response? ›

Silence can be a powerful way to express empathy, understanding, and respect. For example, when someone is sharing their feelings or experiences, silence can be a way to show that you are genuinely listening and trying to understand. It allows the other person to express themselves without interruption or judgment.

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