Talking to loved ones about your debt
Talking about debt is hard even at the best of times. Thousands of us keep it secret or try to handle it on our own. This puts stress on our mental health and relationships.
Keeping debt to yourself can:
- Add to stress
- Lead to conflict in relationships
- Make it harder to recover
Be open and honest with people you love. Having support can make all the difference.Here are our tips for starting the conversation.
Asking for help can be hard.
Are debts causing you stress? Do you feel you never have the time?
Whatever the barrier, let’s deal with it together.
Find out more here.
Get debt advice to make a plan.
We help thousands of people every week to deal with debt and get their lives back on track.
Free debt help is available online 24/7.
Talk to someone you trust
Is there anyone you feel safe to talk to?
Having someone to talk to can help you:
- Deal with any letters you may be getting
- Put together a budget
- Think of ways to save money or increase income
- Believe in yourself
Others you know might be worried about debt too. Talking can be helpful for everyone.
Need help with debts?
Money worries?
Find out how we can help you.
Get help now
Telling your partner about your debt
It can be hard, but you need to talk to your partner about debts.
They may already know.
They may have noticed that you are:
- Stressed
- Distant
- Arguing
- Not talking
- Not sleeping
- Not eating
- Showing signs of mental health issues
If you are married or living together, keeping your debts secret could:
- Impact their credit file
- Affect your joint bills
- Lead to trust issues in future
When you talk to your partner about debts
Reassure them
- Let them know you are dealing with it
- Tell them that you are getting help from professionals
- If you are working with StepChange, explain that it is a free and confidential debt advice charity
Tell them your progress
- Explain where you are in your debt advice journey
- Show them your budget
- Talk to them about the different debt solutions
- Explain that your credit file is repaired while you are on a debt solution
Ask them to work with you
Do you share bills and living costs?
Maybe your partner could help take the pressure off by:
- Helping make cutbacks
- Reducing costs like utilities or mobile phone contracts
They may also be able to help you with:
- Choosing a solution
- Sticking to a budget
- Focusing on the future
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If you think speaking to your partner about debt could put you or your family in danger, contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline.
Lessen the load in other areas of your life
Stress builds.
Debt worries can combine with other life worries to make things worse.
The two biggest steps you can take are:
- Ask for help
- Spend time with loved ones
You might be able to combine these steps to ease the pressure you feel.
Get your family to help with housework
Having a messy house can lead to more stress - but keeping on top of chores is its own full time job.
It does not have to be perfect.
Plan your meals together
Invite the whole family to have a say in what is for dinner.
- Plan a weekly menu
- Do the food shop together
- Share the cooking
You can read more about meal planning here.
Put time aside with your partner
Make sure to check in with each other while you work through your debt problem.
- Go for walks when the weather is nice
- Take up a free hobby together
- Pick a film to watch and discuss
Relate is a charity that can help if you have trouble communicating with each other.
Take care of yourself
You mental health and relationships can be impacted by:
- How much rest you get
- How much you exercise
- What you eat
Make sleep a priority and try to stick to a bed time.
You can stay active without spending money.
Nutrition helps you feel better in yourself.
I cannot tell loved ones about my debt. What can I do?
There are other ways to get support if you do not want to talk to family or friends about your debt.
The Mental Health and Money Toolkit from Mental Health UK can help with your financial and mental health.
The toolkit takes you through exercises to:
- Support your mental wellbeing
- Help you tackle your debt
Rethink Mental Illness has information about what you can expect from your GP if you are experiencing a mental health problem.
Other sources of help
Talk to the Samaritans if you are in emotional distress. You can do this anonymously.
Talk to your HR department if you are working. Your employer may have ways to help you.
Online communities for debt problems can be a valuable source of support.
You can also contact your debt solution provider.
Related articles
- The effect of debt on mental health
- How to get emergency help with food and living costs
- How to deal with joint debts
