Should You Wait for a Partner Who Isn't Ready for a Relationship? (2024)

Relationships are all about timing, and it's possible to find yourself in a position where you want a committed partnership but your person isn't ready. They may have strong feelings for you, care about you deeply, and potentially see a future with you, but the thought of a serious union isn't something they can agree to yet. If this scenario seems familiar—meaning, you're currently going through it—you may be grappling with a few questions about your dating life, chief among them being "Should you wait for a partner who's not ready for a relationship?"

According to dating and life coach Brittany Jenkins, M.A., LMFT,"You should not wait past the point of healthy boundaries that you set for yourself. Obviously, love and relationshipsare not one size fits all, so every couple will have a different path to commitment,and there is wiggle room,but not excessive amounts." In short, it's up to you to look internally and assess what makes the most sense for your life and situation.

That being said, if you need a little help determining whether or not you should wait for someone to commit, or if you're trying to figure out what boundaries to set, we consulted Jenkins, as well as Jeremy Nicholson, MSW, Ph.D. and Linda Bloom, LCSW, to learn about the pros and cons to consider before making your decision. Read on for more.

The Pros of Waiting Until Your Partner Is Ready

Here, the experts highlight two pros to waiting until your person is ready for a relationship.

You're able to show your partner that you respect their timeline.

Maybe your person just came out of a long-term relationship, they don't move as quickly as you, or they're in the middle of a life transition. Waiting until your partner is ready can show them that you respect what they're going through and their personal life timeline.

"Some life transitions are not as suited for new relationships. There can be bad timing to begin a relationship (end of an education program, right after divorce or childbirth, during a difficult unemployment period, etc)," explains Jenkins. "Of course, some of the best emotional connections can be built during our most vulnerable times, so it's not a rule to avoid relationships during difficult periods. But it certainly is valid why a person may be exercising wisdom to not add a new bigger commitment to an already difficult part of theirlife."

If you're choosing to wait based on someone's life status, however, Nicholson suggests asking a few questions to determine if your person is actually willing to commit at a later date. "Is this a good time for you to have a serious relationship? Is your date or lover ready for a monogamous, long-term commitment? Such considerations can have an impact on both the direction and quality of your future relationship together," he shares.

You and your person will have more time to connect deeply.

A longer build-up may lead to a stronger bond down the road: Both parties have fully weighed their options, and when they do commit, they're free of reservations or doubts. "Waiting can help you to learn more about your person over time and strengthen the emotional connection, so that when commitment is made, people feel more prepared for what the relationship will look like and be more willing to meet the standards of a healthy and loving relationship," notes Jenkins.

Bloom echos that sentiment and adds that healthy commitment requires a process of building and cultivating. "The ease that comes from being securely bonded is a great asset, not only to our relationship but also to our life in general. The higher trust level gives us peace of mind." In fact, rather than rushing into a major commitment, taking it slow builds a connection that you'll both strive to maintain.

The Cons of Waiting Until Your Partner Is Ready

Ready for the cons? Here's what the experts have to say about the negative consequences waiting can have.

Waiting can be emotionally draining.

If you're worried your partner is afraid of commitment, waiting can make you feel stressed, anxious, or unsatisfied that they aren't invested as much as you are. What's more, waiting for someone who doesn't want a relationship at all could set you up for heartbreak in the future. "It's important to set a boundary for yourself on how long you're willing to wait, go with the flow, etc.," advises Jenkins.

Make sure you take time to consider whether this person is actually worth waiting for—or if you're just standing by to see the outcome. If you're not entirely confident that they're the best partner for you, the stress of not knowing may not outweigh the rewards.

You may be closed off to other potential suitors.

It's also important to consider that waiting for your partner could prevent you from pursuing, or being available to date, other people. "If you aren't dating [your person], but expect to be exclusive with your time, affection, sexual intimacy, and emotional investment, you are closed off to other potential connections without the other person being as invested as you desire them to be. That doesn't create a very emotionally safe dynamic," explains Jenkins.

You run the risk of waiting indefinitely.

Unfortunately, some waiting periods never end, which is why it's important to discuss your desires with your partner to ensure you're not waiting indefinitely. As mentioned before, it's up to you to decide how long is too long to wait and set clear boundaries from there. Nicholson also suggests taking note of the way your person interacts with you to see if a relationship is on their mind. "Generally, individuals who are ready for a commitment tend to behave in ways that are more open toward their partner and that enhances the relationship," he says.