The usual challenges of parenting are compounded for parents and primary caregivers of children with special needs.
Among the many challenges are:
- Learning about the disability
- Researching, locating and accessing effective treatments and resources
- Coping with the emotional and physical demands of caring for an individual with a disability
- Getting to the innumerable appointments with medical providers, therapists, advocates, and school personnel
- Advocating for appropriate school interventions, accommodations, and/or placements
- Paying for the many treatments and interventions not covered by health insurance or the school system
STRESS
The burden of stress is great for parents of those with special needs. A recent study found that mothers of adolescents and adults with autism had levels of stress hormones comparable to soldiers in combat.
Finances are often a source of stress. Frequently one parentsacrificestheir career to attend to the child’s needs with a resulting loss of income for the family.
The emotional impact is enormous and may include:
- Fear and worry about:
- Your child’s pain and suffering
- Your child’s future
- The question of whether you are doing enough or doing the right things to help your child
- Guilt over:
- The limits of your ability to protect the child
- The loss of attention toward other children, your spouse and aging parents
- Your jealousy and resentment of those with “normal” children
- Feelings of isolation because you:
- Miss out on many family-oriented activities because your child’s disability prevents her/him from successfully participating
- Encounter criticism and judgment of your parenting from others who don’t understand your child’s disability
- Feel like an outsider around parents of typically developing children
- Grief over:
- The loss of hopes and dreams you had for your child
- Not having the parenting experience you had imagined
- Recurrent reminders of what your child misses out on leading to chronic sorrow
SELF-CARE AND SUPPORT
Parents of children with special needs are often exhausted and frequently become depressed. Their reserves of time and resources for self-care are even more depleted than those of parents of typical children. Yet their need for refueling is also greater. To be sustained through the marathon of caring for a child with special needs, it is essential that parents attend to their own needs. There is useful information throughout this website on caring for one’shealth and wellbeing.
Often the most beneficial support and information parents receivecomes from other parents of children with special needs. In recognition of this, a group of parents at BU founded a peer support network to help parents connect with other BU faculty and staff who are caring for a child with a disability. The network created a secure website(requiring a Kerberos password for access) where parents share their stories and invite other parents to contact them for support, resource information, and guidance. The website contains a Get in Touch link through which additional parents can join the network.
Other sources of information and support are:
- Books by other parents of children with special needs
- Internet discussion boards or online parent support groups
- Local support groups (consider starting one if none exists)
- Advocacy groups, both general and disability specific
- School district Special Education Parent Advisory Council (SEPAC)
For counseling, support, or assistance finding resources and services for yourself or your child, contact the Faculty & Staff Assistance Officewhich has counselors with specialized experience in helping parents through the challenges of raising children with special needs.
FAQs
Be kind to yourself, and remind yourself that you're doing the best you can. Look after yourself, and stay mentally and physically healthy. Get to know other parents who are in similar situations. It can help to talk to people who understand what it's like to have a child with additional needs.
What is a quote about parenting special needs children? ›
Special Needs Parenting Quotes
- Special Needs. ...
- "The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways." - Unknown Author. ...
- "There needs to be a lot more emphasis on what a child can do instead of what he cannot do." - Dr. ...
- My Child Is My Everything, so I Will Give Anything, and Stop at Nothing.
Among the many challenges are: Learning about the disability. Researching, locating and accessing effective treatments and resources. Coping with the emotional and physical demands of caring for an individual with a disability.
How to be a parent of a special needs child? ›
By learning as much as possible about your child's disability or impairment, you can feel more confident in caring for them. You'll also be able to better understand what your child is going through, and articulate their needs to others. Talk to your pediatrician and seek recommendations.
What not to say to a special needs parent? ›
“He looks fine to me” or “you would never know to look at her.” If someone tells you that his or her child has any type of disability or challenge, the correct response is never to downplay this child's challenges by suggesting that they don't really exist or at least that are not apparent to you.
What is burnout in parents of children with special needs? ›
It's magnified more when the parent has caregiver burnout. Many special needs parents experience anxiety, PTSD, depression, intense fatigue, weight gain, weight loss, medical issues, low sex drive, or insomnia.
What are the emotional effects of parenting a disabled child? ›
In fact, many experience a wide range of emotions, including shock, fear, sadness, disbelief, disappointment, self-pity, anger, numbness, guilt, grief, denial, envy and even shame. Other parents feel so shocked that they initially experience disbelief and numbness to the situation until the reality finally sets in.
How to deal with the stress of a special needs child? ›
How to Manage and Reduce Stress Related to Special Needs Parenting
- Recognizing and Addressing Grief and Guilt. ...
- Managing the Workload. ...
- Finding Respite Care. ...
- Prioritizing Self-Care. ...
- Seeking Support. ...
- Connecting With Your Child. ...
- Finding the Joy.
It's hard when you're trying to be strong for your children every minute of the day. The fight is real, and after speaking with other parents who are also struggling, you'll discover that there is common ground. Feeling alone is normal. Suddenly, you're uncomfortable to be around.
What questions would you ask a parent with a special needs child? ›
Amy Fenton Lee
- Tell me how you discovered your child had a disability?
- What things have you found to enjoy about having a child with special needs?
- What has God taught you through your child with special needs?
- What are the challenges you face as a parent to a child with special needs?
- Do you ever feel overwhelmed?
You could use visual cues like pictures of headphones or a quiet place. Try not to say too much, and avoid telling your child to calm down, which can cause even more stress. Instead use pictures or written words to guide your child to a safe, quiet place and suggest calming strategies.
How to gentle parent an autistic child? ›
Focus on the positive.
Just like anyone else, children with autism spectrum disorder often respond well to positive reinforcement. That means when you praise them for the behaviors they're doing well, it will make them (and you) feel good. Be specific, so that they know exactly what you liked about their behavior.
How does having a child with a disability affect the parents? ›
Emotional stresses include insecurities regarding parenting competence, grieving for the future that parents had anticipated for their child and guilt around the wellbeing of siblings. It is no surprise then that the parents of children with a disability report higher levels of stress than other parents.
How do parents cope with autistic child? ›
Families with autistic children and teenagers can have a lot of stress sometimes. Stress management options include time for helpful self-talk, enjoyable family activities, organisation, relaxation exercises and self-compassion.
What are the stress of special needs parents? ›
Special needs parents often feel isolated and may also have feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety, or depression. By processing these feelings, parents may be able to get past them—and start finding positive aspects of living with a child with special needs.
