Spousal Abandonment Syndrome occurs when one of the partnersdeparts the Marriage suddenly and—typically—withoutdisplaying any sign that they are unhappy. In the US, it is a developing trend.The traditional Divorce,which often occurs after years of attempting to work out problems in amarriage, is the opposite of spousal abandonment syndrome. There is no signthat one of the couples is unhappy or considering divorcing when there isspouse abandonment. They simply depart, leaving a note on the kitchen table oran email stating their departure and the breakup of the relationship.
Contrary to popular belief, stable, long-term marriages canexperience spousal abandonment syndrome. Many of these couples are perceivedfavorably by their social circle as morally sound individuals who are contentwith one another. Everyone is surprised by the sudden breakdown of themarriage, with the exception of the departing spouse who has been preparing forit for several months, if not years. Naturally, the individual who is suddenlyabandoned is forced to examine what she previously believed to be trueregarding her husband.
This syndrome is not a disease. It also doesn'taddress the variety of emotions and stressors you might experience if yourpartner leaves you suddenly. Instead, it's a term created to reflect the socialtrend of spouses suddenly relocating and abandoning their family.
Some common traits of spouse whoabandon their family
Some signs of spousal abandonment are:
- Typically, they are men.
- They are successful in sociallyacceptable professions such as business, the church, medicine, and law.
- They have been actingthat everything is OK when they have been hiding marital unhappiness for years.
- They leave for thegirlfriend or partnerwhile still having an affair.
- They interrupt a typical routineconversation to say they're leaving or that they can’t continue therelationship. An illustration might be a phone callwhere the couple is talking about something unimportant and the husband sayssuddenly, "I just can't do this anymore."
- After the husband hasinformed his wife that he is leaving the marriage, it happens quickly. He willrelocate to live with his girlfriend and maintain minimal touch with the wifeand kids.
- He will place the blamefor his actions on his wife rather than own up to them, rewriting the events oftheir marriage to make it appear to be a very unhappy and unpleasantone.
- He completely embraces his new self. For example, if the girlfriend is younger, hewill start behaving younger, pursuing interests which are similar to hers,hanging out with her friends, and dressing more youthfully to blend in with hisnew lifestyle.
Traits among women are:
- They believed theirmarriage to be safe and were unaware that there was a problem.
- They prioritized their spouse, theirhome, and their family.
- They fully trusted their husbands since they saw them asrespectable members of the society.
Causes of spousal abandonment
If your spouse abruptly ends your relationship, one of thefirst things you might wonder is "Why?" While it's unlikely thatknowing why your spouse left abruptly might help you keep your marriage intact,knowing as much as possible could help you move on and find closure. Sadly, a partner who leaves unexpectedly mightnever convey their genuine intentions. And in no-fault states like Californiaand 16 others where you aren't compelled to declare your grounds for divorce,it's possible that you won't ever get the explanation you require. However,there are a number of reasons why a spouse can suddenly leave the other:
- A romance or an affair
- Midlife Crisis
- Financial challenges
- Mentally ill health
- A physical ailment
Criminal abandonment
If a spouse stops caring for, protecting, or supporting asick spouse or dependent kid and resides in a state where there is anat-fault divorce, it is seen as abandonment or intentional abandonment. Even ifwe use the word "criminal" in this context, the abandoner does notnecessarily go to jail. However, the spouse who was abandoned can choose tofile for divorce on the grounds of "abandonment" if they so desire.In such a situation, the court may order that the personsupport their spouseor children financially. Additionally, the court may seek to remove theabandoner’s parental rights if there are any children involved. You can beeligible for a divorce as well.
Consequences of abandonment
- Anger
- Fear
- Anxiety
- Extreme sadness and Depression
- Self-blame
- Self-doubt
- Guilt
- LowSelf-esteem
- Emptiness
- Numbness
- Loneliness
Gettinghelp
If your spouse suddenly leaves you, your immediate priorityshould be to survive. Additionally, you could require assistance pursuing adivorce or dissolution. This is where TalkToAngel may be of use. You will overcome this, but you shouldn't have togo through it by yourself. Embrace helpers all around you. Contrary to popularbelief, there are more of them. Your friends, family, and community membersincluding the church, your doctors, and possibly a skilled lawyer to tell youof your options are just a few of your assistance.
Therapist for divorcés: An OnlineTherapistfor divorcés can assist you in recovering from the trauma brought on by spousalabandonment syndrome.
Visit TalkToAngel if you'd want to work with an Online Counsellor that isn't necessarily a divorcetherapist.
We have access to a wide variety of divorce support groupson the internet. Some stick to certain subjects or themes. For example, youmight be able to locate a support group of individuals who have dealt with acirc*mstance like yours. To discover more, read our article on DivorceSupport Groups and Coping with Divorce.
Contribution:Dr (Prof) R K Suri, ClinicalPsychologist,life coach & mentor TalktoAngel&Dr Sakshi Kochhar Psychologist
