Whether you think you can or not it's nearly impossible to avoid work conflict. Research shows 86 percent of employees experience it and 76 percent of workers said they try to avoid it whenever possible. Over half of it comes from conflicting opinions. No surprise there but I had sticker shock when I learned the financial impact. Workplace conflict comes with a $359 billion annual price tag. One in four employees said avoiding conflicts led to illness or absence from work.
I admit I don’t love conflict but I’m not afraid of it either. I’ve learned that avoiding potential conflict often creates bigger problems later. I try to always let our team know I want to hear their opinions and perspectives but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with them. If I give in to a perspective that doesn’t serve our organization just because I don’t want there to be conflict, I’d be abdicating my leadership responsibility, and leaders shouldn’t do that.
People management is one of the most critical skills a leader can have and let’s face it conflict comes from people, so we need to put the effort into improving our people skills. I’ve got four tips that have helped me navigate conflict for decades and they’re recommended by Forbes.
1. Acknowledge and understand emotions.
This is a two-step process from my perspective. First, I’ll ask the people involved how they’re feeling about the situation. Then, I have to realize my own emotions. If I’m angry, I shouldn’t try to deal with the issue right now. Often after hearing everyone’s feelings, I’ll say we need to table this issue until tomorrow to allow each of us to gain some perspective and let the heat of the moment cool off. Don’t confuse this with avoidance, leaders need to follow up within 24 hours. Set the expectation that each of us needs to be ready to have a diplomatic approach to resolving the situation. Tell them we’re looking to create a WIN/WIN /WIN. The organization needs to be put first in the situation and each person needs to have a way they can successfully process and move forward with resolution.
2. Define the problem you’re trying to solve.
Clearly state the situation to all parties at the same time. Work to remove any blame and ask everyone to work together to create a solution. As the leader, you’re facilitating the ideas being shared and making sure each party gets a chance to speak and be heard. Then, you define the problem that needs solving. Sometimes the problem is a simple misunderstanding. What someone said isn't what the other person heard. That’s where I use my favorite phrase: let's give each other a little grace, assume positive intent, and a little space to put things into perspective.
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Other times the problem is ego driven. Each party wants to be in charge. Again, remind them it’s not about either of them, it’s about what’s best for the organization. In other words, it’s not personal, it’s professional and we get paid to deliver positive results to the company.
3. Communicate with transparency.
That means being direct, upfront and honest. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not, because that only makes situations worse. Transparency helps everyone involved see that you’re genuine and not trying to hide anything. They’ll appreciate your authenticity and will feel more comfortable sharing and being vulnerable with you and gain trust in each other.
4. Remember that conflict is natural.
While conflict isn’t fun it’s natural and sometimes a necessary part of work. The goal is to manage it in a way that’s healthy for everyone on your team. Disagreements are just part of the process of moving forward and when you handle them the right way, they can benefit your team by bringing you closer together and making you stronger.
Bottom line, this is really important. Ninety-five percent of people who get conflict resolution training say it improved their workplace. So, share this with your teams and use it as a catalyst for conversation. Try talking with your teams about conflict, when there isn’t any conflict going on. Talk about these strategies and create some of your own. Turn them into a conflict resolution bible for your organization. It becomes a playbook that everyone is aware of in advance as to how you will manage conflict when it happens. You’re being proactive instead of reactive. When you follow the same process every time a conflict arises, it takes the mystery out of things, and I say it removes the fear of the unknown. Everybody knows what to expect in advance of problems arising. Imagine how much more productive your organization will be when conflict doesn’t hold you back.
