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1Have one person stay with friends or family.
2Sleep on the couch if no one can leave.
3Limit day-to-day contact with each other.
4Set a timeline for the break.
5Create rules within the break.
6Discuss details about your living situation.
7Do a bit of self-reflection.
8Use the break to examine your relationship.
9Communicate with your partner at the end of the break.
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Co-authored byAllen Wagner, MFT, MAand Hannah Madden
Last Updated: June 6, 2024References
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If you and your partner have been going through a rough patch lately, you might be considering taking a break. Taking a break can help you both take some much-needed time and space apart, but the logistics of it can get complicated when you live together. Fortunately, there are ways that you can take a break from your partner, even if you are still cohabitating. Keep reading to learn how you can make your relationship break just a little bit easier.
Things You Should Know
- Have 1 person stay with friends, family or at a hotel. Alternatively, you might split the time away and at home with your partner, so it’s fair.
- When you’re home, act as though you're roommates rather than partners by speaking only when necessary and spending time in separate rooms.
- Set healthy boundaries, like not being allowed to see other people during your break, so things don’t get complicated.
1
Have one person stay with friends or family.
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Taking a break is probably easiest if someone moves out.[1] If one of you has close friends or family in the area, see if you can stay with them for a while. You can still stay in contact with your partner via texts or phone calls, but you don’t have to see them in person every day.[2]
- If you don’t want to move out for your entire break, consider splitting the time with your partner. For instance, if your break lasts 1 month, you could move out for 2 weeks and your partner could move out for the other 2.
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2
Sleep on the couch if no one can leave.
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Moving out for a while might not be an option. If both of you have to stay in your current spot, set up a schedule and figure out who’s going to take the couch and who’s going to take the bed. To make it fair, try to switch every week so you both get a good night’s rest.[3]
- If you have a guest bedroom, one of you could also stay in there.
3
Limit day-to-day contact with each other.
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Try not to behave like a typical couple. If you’re still living together, try to make plans with friends outside of the house often. When you’re home, hang out in separate rooms to give each other space.[4]
- If one of you is able to move out temporarily, set up a schedule for how often you two talk on the phone every week. Most couples taking a break like to stay in contact at least once a week.
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4
Set a timeline for the break.
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5
Create rules within the break.
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Different couples set different boundaries within a break. Some couples say that it’s okay to see other people, while other couples want to remain monogamous. Make sure you talk with your partner about what’s okay and what isn’t beforehand.[6]
- Set clear rules before your break to avoid heartache later on.
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6
Discuss details about your living situation.
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You might need to check in about logistics, too. If you live together, you might share a streaming account, a utilities account, or even a bank account. Talk with your partner about setting up automatic payment plans so you don’t have to reach out during the break to talk about bills.[7]
- Keep in mind that if both of your names are on the lease, you’ll still have to pay rent even if you aren’t living there.
7
Do a bit of self-reflection.
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Breaks are all about taking time for yourself. As you spend some time away from your partner, think about who you are now and who you’d like to be in the future. If you want to get serious about working on yourself, you could even talk to a mental health professional.[8]
- Now’s the time to think about your own identity and how it meshes with your partner’s.[9]
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8
Use the break to examine your relationship.
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Think about what you like and what you don’t like. As you take your break, could you see yourself living without your partner? Or did you both just need some time and space apart? Try to keep those questions in the back of your mind as you go about your life.[10]
- A lot of times, breaks can make couples feel closer together. Taking time for yourself and reflecting on your relationship might make you realize that you still want to be together, you just have some work to do.
- On the flip side, you might actually find that you enjoy the single life more than being in a relationship. If that’s the case, plan and move out within 30 to 60 days.[11]
9
Communicate with your partner at the end of the break.
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When the break is over, sit down and talk to each other. Communicate about how you’re feeling now, how the break was for you, and what you want to do moving forward. It’s up to both of you to decide what your next steps are and how you can either make it work or break up for good.[12]
- If you do want to break up with your partner, don’t drag it out any longer. Let them know that you’d like to actually break up, not just go on another break.
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Expert Q&A
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Can you break up and still live together?
Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family TherapistAllen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.
Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Answer
Possibly, but it's important to consider all angles. Chances are, a long-term relationship breaking off will leave at least one person feeling hurt and disappointed, which can make the living situation tense.
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References
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a26075763/taking-a-break-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/taking-a-break-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://www.thrivetherapyla.com/blog/2020/3/12/how-to-take-a-break-from-your-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201601/is-the-difference-between-breakup-and-break
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201601/is-the-difference-between-breakup-and-break
- ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/taking-a-break-in-a-relationship
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201404/does-your-relationship-need-break
More References (3)
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201404/does-your-relationship-need-break
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201601/is-the-difference-between-breakup-and-break
About This Article
Co-authored by:
Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
This article was co-authored by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Allen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona. This article has been viewed 89,508 times.
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Updated: June 6, 2024
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