How to Save a Marriage: Top 10 Expert Tips From a Seasoned Couples Counsellor (2024)

What is a Gentle Start-up?

Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and this holds for couples as well. A gentle start-up in communication refers to initiating a conversation with care, empathy, and respect. It’s about setting a positive tone for the discussion, which is essential in ensuring both partners feel heard and understood.

In Asian households, where communication can sometimes be perceived as harsh or direct, the concept of a “gentle start-up” may seem jarring, and unfamiliar. Traditional Asian households often prioritize directness and sometimes even bluntness in communication, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts within couples.

In fact, gentle start-up is actually aligned when the values of Asian households. Many Asian households emphasize respect towards loved ones. In such contexts, starting a conversation gently can be seen as a sign of respect, even if the content of the conversation is a complaint.

Maintaining harmony is a fundamental value within Asian households as well. A gentle start-up not only reflects respect but also serves to preserve the equilibrium within the relationship. Initiating a conversation gently reinforces the importance of the relationship. This approach communicates that the relationship is more significant than any temporary disagreement or frustration.

In Asian households, collectivism and interdependence are deeply rooted cultural values. These values emphasize the interconnectedness of the couple and the idea that their actions and words can impact the entire relationship.

The gentle start-up approach aligns with these values and aims to minimize the emotional impact of difficult moments within the family. By choosing a more respectful and considerate tone, family members can navigate challenging conversations with minimal emotional harm, ultimately promoting healthier and more harmonious family dynamics.

Benefits of Gentle Start-Ups:

  1. Enhanced Understanding:
    • Initiating a conversation gently allows both partners to approach the topic with an open mind, fostering better understanding and empathy.
  2. Reduced Defensiveness:
    • A harsh start to a conversation can trigger defensiveness, making it challenging to resolve issues. A gentle start-up can minimize this defensiveness, leading to more productive discussions.
  3. Conflict Resolution:
    • By using a gentle approach, couples can create a safe space for addressing concerns and resolving conflicts constructively.

In Asian households, the importance of gentle start-ups in couples’ communication becomes evident when considering the cultural dynamics at play. While directness and bluntness have their place, employing a gentle approach can foster understanding, reduce defensiveness, and facilitate healthy conflict resolution. It’s a harmonious blend of traditional values and effective communication techniques that can lead to stronger, more resilient relationships in the context of diverse Asian households.

How to Save a Marriage: Top 10 Expert Tips From a Seasoned Couples Counsellor (2024)

FAQs

How to Save a Marriage: Top 10 Expert Tips From a Seasoned Couples Counsellor? ›

Studies show that roughly 70% of couples stay together after counseling, and many have a better relationship because of the time they took to understand themselves and each other.

How many marriages survive after marriage counseling? ›

Studies show that roughly 70% of couples stay together after counseling, and many have a better relationship because of the time they took to understand themselves and each other.

Can counselling save a marriage? ›

Maybe what you need in your relationship is not just companionship, but connection. Although some misunderstandings and conflicts between partners are inevitable, couples therapy can help you and your romantic partner work through your issues and find your way back to a loving relationship.

Can couples counseling save my relationship? ›

For those who can afford the price tag, marriage counseling can bring even the most contentious couples back from the brink of separation. According to the Gottman Institute, therapy can create lasting, positive change for roughly 70 percent of couples who seek treatment.

Do marriage counselors ever advise to break up? ›

Most therapists will not make this suggestion themselves, but they may be able to provide the couple with support and resources for whatever path they choose to take, whether that is connecting them to a divorce mediator or continuing the therapy process.

How to spot a bad marriage counselor? ›

Signs of a Bad Couples Therapist
  1. Choosing sides.
  2. Agreeing with one partner.
  3. Sharing secrets with one partner.
  4. Dividing the partners up without explanation.
  5. Telling the couple to break up or divorce.
  6. Ignoring the couple's values.
  7. Poor communication equally with both partners.
Apr 26, 2023

What is the No. 1 rule for saving your marriage? ›

The No. 1 rule for saving your marriage is communication. All other efforts to improve a relationship will likely succeed with this foundation.

When it's too late to save a marriage? ›

Until the divorce papers are signed and finalized, it's technically never too late to save a marriage. Many couples have miraculous stories of saving their marriages from the brink of divorce and re-building something better than ever.

At what point do you stop trying to save your marriage? ›

Abuse, whether physical, sexual, or psychological, is a clear indication that you should contemplate divorce. No relationship is worth suffering any form of abuse. Staying in an abusive relationship is a form of self-neglect.

What not to say in marriage counseling? ›

What not to say during your couples counseling session
  • Blaming or accusatory language. ...
  • Comparing past relationships. ...
  • Negative labels or names. ...
  • Defensiveness. ...
  • Sarcasm or joking. ...
  • Invalidating your partner's feelings. ...
  • Giving ultimatums. ...
  • Withholding information or keeping things to yourself.
Jul 11, 2023

What is the failure rate of couples therapy? ›

According to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, the success rate of marriage counseling is around 70%.

How to win in couples therapy? ›

7 Marriage Counseling Tips from a Marriage Counselor
  1. Be Ready to Be Yourself. People often feel pressure to hide their flaws or play the role of the perfect partner. ...
  2. Define and Share Goals. ...
  3. Be Honest. ...
  4. Look at the Past. ...
  5. Explain and Listen. ...
  6. Ask Questions.
Jan 27, 2023

What percentage of couples break up after couples therapy? ›

According to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, the success rate of marriage counseling is around 70%.

What is the success rate of Counselling? ›

Psychotherapy. Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy, is a highly effective type of mental health care for conditions like anxiety and depression. A 2018 study revealed that professionals self-reported an average therapy success rate of 73 percent.

How long do most people do marriage counseling? ›

While some couples need or choose to stay in therapy longer than the 12-session average, many do not.

What is the success rate of therapy statistics? ›

Treatments that work for the vast majority of people might have little to no effect on others. That being said, about 75% of people overall show benefits from psychotherapy for their mental health.

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