HBR Staff; Anton Vierietin/Getty Images
Summary.
Receiving an upsetting email is … well, upsetting. Whether the email is critical, hostile, rude, or threatening, our rational minds get hijacked as our emotions race to the fore. Of the many emails we get in a day, some are bound to be distressing. How you respond to unsettling emails speaks volumes about your maturity, emotional intelligence, and business savvy — especially when you’re in the early stages of your career.
- Thank the writer for taking the time to communicate. Even if the message has a negative tone, the writer cared enough about you and your relationship to spend time sharing their thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge this for the gift it is.
- Explain your position without blame or bluster. Keep in mind that this is only the start of the conversation. There may be facts of which the writer was unaware. You can use this conversation as an opportunity to share this knowledge with them.
- Identify core issues. In your response, offer a resolution for the actual issue that troubled the writer. If that person does not feel you understand what’s at stake, they may lose faith in your response and decline the meeting you’ve proposed.
- Use “I apologize” rather than “I’m sorry.” Apologize is a performative verb. Simply by writing, “I apologize,” you have performed an action. In contrast, “I’m sorry” is a weather report about how you are feeling. If you’re the manager, the buck stops with you.
- Focus on solutions. The sooner you can move the other person from the past (where the upsetting incident happened,) to the future (where solutions lie) the better off you will be. You have no control over what has already happened, but you have an opportunity to concentrate your attention – and your reader’s attention – on the future, where positive change can occur.
Jan, a sales manager at a furniture manufacturing company, was sitting at her desk, working on a report due later in the week.The day was going fine, and she felt unruffled and composed. Then she took a break to look through emails. There was a message from a major client at the top of her inbox. She opened it and grew pale. It read:
Read more on Business communication or related topics Difficult conversations, Managing conflicts and Interpersonal skills
Read more on Business communication or related topics Difficult conversations, Managing conflicts and Interpersonal skills
