Contrary to what other people may think, marriage is more than just an emotional decision. It is also a financial one.
Now that does not mean you have to select the richest person that you can find. It is more about discussing how you will merge everything about your life with your fiancee – including your finances. While the foremost thing on your mind right now is how you will fund your wedding, you need to take time to discuss each other’s personal money situations. That includes how much money you have, any debts that you owe and other financial details about your life. You have to be honest about it. Think of it as a test of your relationship. If your partner can accept your financial situation and is even ready to help you fix your debt problems, then you know you’ve got a keeper.
Common money related problems in marriages
Marriages are not born out of fairytales. Reality is you will face more than one problem as you live with your spouse. All of these will either make or break your relationship. Unfortunately, money is one of the common reasons for the demise of personal relationships. Fighting about your finances is normal but there are specific money situations that you need to steer clear of.
Keeping separate accounts. Some couples cannot agree on how their household should be financed so what they do is keep their money separate and split the bill in the middle. They then spend what is left of their money as they see fit – usually separately. This does not promote the unity that you and your spouse should share. At one point in the marriage, one of you will resent it if it turns out that the spending power varies greatly between the two of you.
Debt obligations. Having a lot of debt can lead to divorce. This is a fact that a lot of couples experienced when the recession hit. The mounting debts, inability to pay them off and the forced financial sacrifices will take its toll on the marriage. This is especially true if only one of the couple is to blame for the debt.
Earning more than the other. This is all about the respect that is diminished when one of you is not working or earning significantly less than the other. If the couple is not careful and permits the big earner to dictate the financial decisions, then that can lead to an unhappy marriage.
Spender vs the saver. If the two of you do not agree on how your money must be spent and prioritized, it can cause some conflict. It is very important that you are financially compatible in the sense that you are on the same page when it comes to how you use your money.
Money given to the extended family. You cannot remove the instances wherein one of you is compelled to help an extended family in financial need. Make sure that these are decided among the two of you carefully.
Financial responsibilities in having kids. Another cause of marital problems involves your plans of having kids. Some people do not like the responsibility associated with raising children while their spouse wants them. It can admittedly be very costly but you have to be very careful how you approach this issues in your marriage.
How to keep money from ruining your relationships
Marriage and finances cannot be separate and given that idea, you need to take steps to make sure that the above mentioned problems will not hurt your own relationship. Before you get married, here are a couple of things that you may want to follow.
Discuss everything about your finances. If you cannot be honest about your money and debt problems this early in your relationship, then your marriage will be marked with a lot of lies and deceit. If your partner cannot accept it, just delay the marriage until you have dealt with your own problem. But if they decide to help you, then that will strengthen your marriage from the very beginning.
Define your financial personalities. Some people are spenders and others are savers. You want to be able to strike a balance between the two of you. If you do not discuss it during your engagement, one of you will get frustrated with the attitude of the other about money.
Identify how you will manage your household finances. Dealing with separate accounts is really not advisable. Set up a common household budget and discuss how you can both be happy with the arrangement. If you are unsure about how to proceed with a budget, you can visit Budgetworksheets.org.
Set financial goals together. Get used to making decisions together because that is how it should be once you get married. Never decide on anything on your own – even if you earn more than your spouse. Set financial goals and incorporate it in the budget that you have created. If anything, having a common goal will pull you closer than ever.
Detail how your finances will be merged. Like it or not, you and your fiancee will enter into the marriage with both positive and negative aspects of your finances. If one comes in with a lot of savings while the other has a lot of debts, you both have to accept that – otherwise, you have to postpone the wedding until you have sorted out your financial issues. Discuss if you will keep separate savings account or if you will pool everything in one account. Be as detailed as possible and make sure you can both accept it.
Only when you have gone through all of these financial concerns, that is the only time that you should discuss how you will spend for the wedding. Take time to save up for it and try not to start your marriage by borrowing money to pay for it. We all have our dream weddings but you have to be practical and realistic about it. The important thing is to be united with the one that you love. In the end, that is all that matters.
