When dining out, the best etiquette for splitting the check depends on the scenario and your companions. Still, there are some general tips you can follow—from dividing the bill down the middle to tallying up each person's cost or even requesting separate checks—to avoid that awkward pause when the check arrives. We asked a few etiquette experts about the best—and classiest—ways to handle this common restaurant conundrum.
- Toni Dupree is an etiquette coach and the training director at Etiquette & Style by Dupree in Houston.
- Karene Putney is a business etiquette consultant, intercultural etiquette trainer, and the founder of Etiquette Etiquette in Maryland.
- Diane Gottsman is an etiquette expert, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas in San Antonio.
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Set a Plan Before the Meal
Tell your companion(s) your choice before dinner, even if they have different preferences. "The decision to split the bill should happen before you sit down for dinner. Not when the wait staff brings the check," says Toni Dupree of Etiquette & Style by Dupree.
To avoid an awkward moment when the check arrives, etiquette expert Diane Gottsman says to announce it pre-meal by saying something like, "Please put this on separate checks" to the server. Then, everyone can relax and enjoy the conversation.
Some people truly prefer to split the bill down the middle, but for others, it's an annoyance. If you suspect someone in your group is in the first category, sidestep conflict by establishing your preference early. "You can [tell] the group, 'I'm going to grab my own check,' so they know you're not going to be part of the final split," adds Gottsman.
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Designate a Bill Collector
It's much easier for one person to look at the dinner bill than for a large group to individually take turns calculating. Choose a trusted person in the group to look at the costs and split the bill evenly (or fairly). They will then let each diner know their share of the check. Some apps can help with this task, like Tab, Settle Up, or Splitwise.
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Consider Your Dining Companion's Situation
The best way to handle splitting a check with other people is to be mindful of your companions. Before you default to splitting a check down the middle, consider that not everyone has the same financial situation.
Also, diners may order varying items, indulge in alcohol, or even have more courses. Experts say it's perfectly acceptable to ask your companion(s) if they are amenable to dividing the check with these considerations in mind.
"If, and only if, everyone agreed to split the bill before the meals are ordered, then it is OK to evenly divide that check when the bill arrives," confirms Karene Putney of Etiquette Etiquette.
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Advocate for Yourself
Only you can state your preference for splitting the bill—or not. It's your prerogative to ask for separate checks based on your dining history with a certain friend or if you expect to order modestly.
"Friends should be comfortable enough to have an upfront conversation and just put everything on the table in advance without worrying about it," says Gottsman.
"Most people feel the same way and are waiting for the first person to speak up," Gottsman explains, adding that good friends should feel "emotionally safe" with each other to broach uncomfortable topics such as personal finances. "After the conversation, there will be an understanding, and everything will fall into place," Gottsman notes.
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Correct Any Miscommunication ASAP
Ultimately, be communicative. Gottsman says it's your responsibility to respectfully and kindly correct the situation in the future or at the end of the meal if you walk away confused or irritated that the bill was not split to your liking.
Remember, it's acceptable to pay for only your share of the bill, even if you don't bring the subject up at the start of the meal. "At the end of the meal, you can just contribute what you have calculated that you owe," affirms Gottsman. "The key is to speak up so you don't feel taken advantage of."
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Split Tax and Gratuity
Different standards apply to tax and gratuity for restaurant staff. Even if the meal and beverage totals are tallied according to each person, it's customary to share the cost of these added expenses on the bill. "However you tallied the check, it is proper etiquette to split tax and tip evenly among the table," Putney says.
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Contribute to a Guest of Honor's Bill
There's an implied understanding that if a group has invited someone out for a birthday dinner or other celebratory occasion, the group will pay for the guest of honor. This should be stated ahead of time and understood by the group. You certainly wouldn't want your friend to feel awkward on their special day.
"The friends would split the check evenly and pick up the birthday honoree," Gottsman says. This is one case where even if one person orders more than the others, you should still split the check evenly down the middle–and tack on the honoree's portion equally.
If you're the honoree and invited everyone to party and celebrate, you should expect to cover everyone's cost. (They can decide to share the bill, but your intention to pay should be there from the start.)
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Separate Food From Alcohol
Alcoholic drinks can be pricey—sometimes costing more than an entree. In situations where only one person orders alcohol, or only one person abstains, it might be best to separate the cost of food from alcoholic drinks. Some restaurants can keep a separate tab at the bar for drinks ordered. This way, unfair costs are not added to everyone's share of the bill.
