Financial intimacy – how money can enhance your love.
This post contains affiliate links; please read our Disclosure for more information.Financial intimacy is the foundation of a healthy financial relationship as a couple.
Money plays a big part in how you build your lives together.
You could argue intimacy is the proof that you’re in a real relationship.
Often as couples, we put in the work and attention on developing our emotional and physical intimacy.
However, financial intimacy is often neglected, misunderstood or ignored.
I talk about financial intimacy a ton on here, it’s a big part of our mission.
I’m sharing with you my thoughts on what financial intimacy is.
Plus giving you practical tips on how you can develop it in your relationship.
Table of Contents
What Is Financial Intimacy?
Before I get into financial intimacy, let’s look at what intimacy is.
As a quick disclaimer, I’m coming from the viewpoint of romantic relationships.
Intimacy can be summarised as closeness.
As you grow together you begin to feel comfortable and vulnerable to be open with each other.
You can be intimate physically, emotionally, spiritually, and/or intellectually.
And naturally, people in a relationship judge the level of their love based on this closeness.
Financial intimacy is just normal intimacy but applied to money.
It’s about how close and open you are with your partner when it comes to money.
Why Financial Intimacy Matters?
Many studies show how money is one of the leading causes of divorce and separation.
I personally doubt that a piece of paper with someone’s face, numbers and a currency sign does that.
As powerful as technology is, neither can a string of numbers on your mobile banking app do that.
The biggest problem, in my opinion, is the lack and mismanagement of financial intimacy.
Financial intimacy matters because it serves as the glue to money in a relationship.
It empowers you to reach your financial goals as a couple.
But much deeper than that, it enhances your union.
How Financial Intimacy Can Enhance Your Relationship
When you’re financially intimate, you will discuss money with your partner with openness.
You’ll be open about your past and the role money played in your upbringing.
You’ll have transparent discussions about your financial position and your future plans.
Secondly, alongside being open about your money, you’ll be aligned.
You’ll be in sync in how you handle finances.
I love the concept of Yin and Yang.
It’s about how opposite forces become interconnected and complement each other.
This interconnectedness is how you’ll each give rise to each other as you interrelate to one another.
It’s two forces living in balance and in harmony with equal weight of importance.
At the heart of all levels of our intimacy, is for us to be interconnected and to elevate each other.
What Does Financial Intimacy Look Like In Practice?
Money won’t be a subject you avoid or feel scared to approach.
You will be very comfortable talking about money together.
You’ll have meaningful discussions about savings, debts and other financial decisions.
This includes having awkward and challenging discussions in order to resolve money issues.
Secondly, you’ll manage money together as a couple in a way that works for you.
I’ll be honest, it took us some time to handle our finances in a way that fits us both.
I wanted to do it one way and Lindie wanted it another way.
As we built our financial intimacy we found a way that worked for us.
Thirdly, you’ll put money in its place.
You’ll understand that money is a tool that you use to build your relationship.
I’ve seen people jealous that their partner earns more or judging their partner who’s in debt.
When you’re financially intimate there’s no room for any of the negative vibes and animosity.
How Do You Develop Financial Intimacy?
There are many ways to build your financial intimacy in your relationship.
It’s important to note there is no such thing as one size fits all with money.
What does wonders for one couple may not even make a dent for another.
With that said, these following tips are a great place to start.
The end result may look differently for each couple, but the concept is the same.
Build A Financial Plan Together
One thing that kills financial intimacy is division.
In this context, division means di-vision, or more accurately, ‘two visions’.
I see couples as people who are building a life together.
One way to do this is to build your financial blueprint as a couple.
A blueprint gives you focus and direction of what you’re both building.
It is for this reason I advocate that couples should combine their finances together.
However, I appreciate that every relationship is different and you should do what fits you best.
A great resource to start with is Smart Couples Finish Rich.
This book gives you practical tips on creating a rich future for you and your partner.
Have Respect
When money is involved, respect each other’s money mindset and behaviours.
You can demonstrate respect by making financial decisions that will benefit you both.
There was a time I wanted a new car but Lindie wanted a car with low running costs, so we met in the middle.
Respect also includes trust.
Trust your partner with money and trust their financial decisions.
But as always, trust has to be developed and earned over time.
One big lesson I’ve learnt is respect is not synonymous with power and control.
There’s no need for dictatorship or bullying your partner, this breeds financial abuse.
Have A United Front
Instead of a driver-passenger relationship, have a co-pilot styled relationship.
Co-Pilot means we both fly the plane.
Having a united front is when you’re together in the way you handle your financial affairs.
Similar to the pilots on a plane, Lindie and I have a part to play in our money.
I manage our investments, insurances and much of the financial planning.
Lindie manages the living expenses, bills and banking.
However, we both discuss what’s happening with our money and agree on plans.
I trust her decisions on our bills as she trusts me with our investment choices.
Please don’t take this as me saying you should do the same, this is what works for us.
Set up a system that works for your style of co-piloting.
Set Boundaries
Physical intimacy doesn’t mean you should spend every minute next to each other.
The same is true with your finances.
Give each other room to develop, grow and learn at your own pace.
Set boundaries to be yourselves with money.
Your partner will see no value in some of the things you buy, same vice versa.
Have personal spending money for each of you to spend as you wish with no questions asked.
Setting boundaries also includes those outside of your relationship.
Family and friends can influence financial decisions you make in your relationship.
Decide how you’re going to handle this so you maintain the united front you’re building.
Love And Money
Earlier on I mentioned how financial intimacy is one part of your overall intimacy in your relationship.
One thing I’ve noticed is how our financial intimacy has grown in line with our love.
It’ll be a tough endeavour to build financial intimacy whilst other parts of your relationship are falling apart.
In fact, sometimes when couples are fighting about money it’s related to other issues.
Your financial intimacy can massively improve by sorting out other forms of intimacy in your relationship.
Remember, money is just a tool. Use this tool to build your love for each other.
Of course love is more important than money, but money is pretty important too!
Take Action
Talk to your partner about your financial intimacy.
Plan how you’ll develop your financial intimacy
Check out our Ultimate Money Plan to get in control of your money and smash your financial goals
Let us know how you’re getting along by getting in touch with us, we’d love to hear from you
Knowledge is powerless without action
So take action, and take care
Thando
