Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (2024)

Summary

  • Jesse Pinkman's character arc in Breaking Bad is complex, as he transforms from a mediocre drug dealer to a successful meth manufacturer.
  • Jesse's funny and witty quotes provide comic relief amidst the intense and dark moments of the show.
  • The dynamic between Jesse and Walter White, their mismatched partnership, and Jesse's comedic ignorance contribute to some of the funniest moments in Breaking Bad.

Though Breaking Bad is known as one of the most intense shows ever made, it also had plenty of moments of comedy, mostly from Jesse Pinkman quotes. With the stellar writing for Breaking Bad, the characters in the series had some incredible story arcs between the five seasons that were on air. Jesse Pinkman arguably has one of the most complex character arcs as he turns from a mediocre drug dealer to one of the most successful and profitable meth manufacturers in the state of New Mexico. Seeing him constantly thrown into situations that were over his head and beyond his maturity level provided Jesse Pinkman quotes funny enough to distract from Breaking Bad's darker moments.

By the end of Breaking Bad, Jesse had been through so much that it is hard to even remember a time when the character might have cracked a joke. However, the earlier seasons showed him as a space-headed and careless young man in a world of constant danger from arrest or death which he was not well suited for. Of course, there is also his relationship with Walter White with the two unlikely partners in crime feeling more like a bickering couple most of the time. These elements set up some of the funniest Jesse Pinkman quotes in Breaking Bad.

RELATED: 20 Best Walter White Quotes From Breaking Bad

15 "You Don’t Need A Criminal Lawyer. You Need A Criminal Lawyer."

"Better Call Saul" (Season 2, Episode 8)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (1)

Walt and Jesse meet Saul Goodman in season 2 of Breaking Bad when one of their dealers is arrested. The character would go on to become a pivotal part of the series as well as the lead in his own spinoff series Better Call Saul. But it is Jesse who perfectly sums up who Saul is and the role he plays in their operation. Walt knows Saul as the cheesy lawyer in commercials and on bus stop ads, not satisfied that he is the right criminal lawyer for their needs. Jesse correctly points out that they don't just need a lawyer who knows the law, they need one who will break the law.

14 "Oh, Hey, Nerdiest Old Dude I Know, You Wanna Come Cook Crystal?"

"Cat's In The Bag..." (Season 1, Episode 2)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (2)

The simple pairing of Walt and Jesse alone gives the show a lot of its comedic energy. They are such a mismatched duo and the last two people anyone would assume could successfully run a meth operation. Yet it was Walt who came to Jesse and blackmailed him into working with him, something that Jesse likes to bring up in the earlier episodes. While Walt may be smarter than Jesse, it is hard to deny that Jesse is right about Walt not being anyone's first choice as a partner in crime.

13 "What Ever Happened To Truth In Advertising?"

"Buyout" (Season 5, Episode 6)

Jesse's tendency to talk endlessly may be a sign of his wandering mind, but it can also be a defense mechanism of sorts. One of the most cringeworthy scenes in Breaking Bad finds Walt inviting Jesse over to his house for dinner, not sharing the fact that his marriage is in shambles as Skyler hates Walt for his criminal activities, sent the kids away, and had an affair. Jesse sits at the table with Walt and Skyler, trying to break the silence by complimenting the meal then going on to complain about the microwave dinner which doesn't reflect the pictures on the box. Despite his best efforts, Jesse just can't out-talk the awkwardness.

12 "A Robot?!"

"4 Days Out" (Season 2, Episode 9)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (4)

One of the standout episodes in season 2 of Breaking Bad takes place in the desert where Walt and Jesse find themselves stranded after cooking in isolation. With the battery in their RV dead, the situation grows more and more dire to the point that it looks like they will die out there with no help in sight. Walt all but gives up but Jesse insists they can use science to create a flare, a robot, or a new battery to save them. Walt suddenly springs up and begins collecting things to build a battery, telling Jesse he came up with the answer himself to which Jesse exclaims in amazement, "a robot?!" It is a moment of his hidden brilliance and his immature ignorance.

11 "Yeah Science!"

"A No-Rough-Stuff-Type Deal" (Season 1, Episode 7)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (5)

For the first couple of seasons of Breaking Bad Jesse was presented as a rather dim-witted partner of Walt that was used for comedic relief. In season 1, Walter tells Tuco Salamanca that they will be able to produce four pounds of meth each delivery, which leaves the duo in a predicament since they don’t have access to that many sinus pills. Walt tells Jesse they won’t need pseudoephedrine because he has other plans. Jesse is relieved and exclaims, “Yeah Mr. White! Yeah Science.” It is a quote that shows the endearing side of Jesse's ignorance as he is enthusiastic about the breakthrough but only understands it enough to classify it broadly as "science."

10 "Yeah B****! Magnets!"

"Live Free Or Die" (Season 5, Episode 1)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (6)

In the first half of season 5, Jesse and Walt find themselves once again at risk of being caught as the Albuquerque police department has incriminating evidence in the form of a laptop. In an attempt to destroy/steal the evidence, Jesse has the idea of using a magnet, which ends up being the winning idea. Old Joe helps build a giant magnet to destroy the laptop, which is first tested out in his junkyard. When performing the test, the laptop flies from Jesse’s hands and is obliterated on the side of the truck. Jesse cheers, "Yeah B****! Magnets!" and it is hard not to share his joy in coming up with his own brilliant idea that Walt didn't even consider.

9 "This Is My Own Private Domicile, And I Will Not Be Harassed."

"Sunset" (Season 3, Episode 6)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (7)

There are a number of times Walt is almost caught in Breaking Bad but one of the most nerve-wracking was the season 3 episode “Sunset.” Hank ends up tracking the RV lab to Joe’s junkyard, and attempting to break open the door before Joe comes and stops him. Jesse and Walt are inside with only a flimsy door preventing Walt from being found out. Walt instructs Jesse not to listen to Hank's orders to open the door and use the law as protection. Walt instructs Jesse to tell Hank he cannot enter without a warrant as this is his home. It's funny hearing Jesse break out the surprising legal language which takes Hank aback, but Jesse cannot help but add "B****" to the end to make it his own.

8 "So Roll Me Further, B****."

"I See You" (Season 3, Episode 8)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (8)

Jesse had a real talent for making audiences feel sorry for him but also reminding them that he can be a real punk at times. After a violent run in with Hank leaves Jesse in the hospital, it is hard to even look at the battered and bruised Jesse who is at a low-point. After he is released, he is rolled out in a wheelchair and lights up a cigarette. The male nurse tells Jesse he has to be another 20 feet away from the door. Clearly not caring about the rules, Jesse tells the nurse, “So roll me further b****.” It is not an especially nice thing to say, but it is funny to see Jesse still has that attitude even after such a beating.

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7 "Yo, Yo, Yo. 148, 3-To-The-3-To-The-6-To-The-9. Representin’ The ABQ. What Up, B****? Leave It At The Tone!"

"Cat's In The Bag..." (Season 1, Episode 2)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (9)

Before Skyler found out the truth about Walt being a crystal meth cook, she was extremely suspicious of her husband’s behavior. To try to get to the bottom of things, she redials a number on a call that Walter had hung up on. The number was Jesse’s, and she gets his very aggressive voicemail message. It is a hilarious juxtaposition between Walt sneaking around and trying to cover his tracks while Jesse is far less discreet. Not only is Jesse’s message hilarious, but Skyler’s reaction to it is priceless.

6 "Ah… Wire…"

"4 Days Out" (Season 2, Episode 9)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (10)

One of the funniest ongoing jokes in Breaking Bad is the fact that Jesse was one of Walt's students in his chemistry class yet he retained no actual knowledge of chemistry from that time. Perhaps absent-mindedly, Walt keeps playing teacher, trying to test Jesse's knowledge while they are on the job and the results are typically hilarious. While trapped out in the desert, Walt begins building the battery they will need to escape and asks Jesse what element they will use to conduct a necessary current. Seeing that Jesse isn't getting it, Walt motions to the copper wire and Jesse guesses "a wire." The confidence with which he answers and the disappointment on Walt's face make it a terrific comedic moment.

5 "What Do I Look Like? Scarface?"

"Crazy Handful Of Nothin'" (Season 1, Episode 6)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (11)

Walter and Jesse always had a bit of a rocky relationship. When they first start cooking, Walt is mainly the cook of the operation, while Jesse works on selling their product. Things were slow early off, Walt tells Jesse that it is unacceptable that he isn’t able to sell it faster and asks him why he can’t just sell the whole pound at once. Jesse responds by saying, “What do I look like? Scarface?” It is one of Jesse funny snarky reactions but it also shows Jesse is a more ration thinker when it comes to the business side of things. Not only that, but it foreshadows the later developments that prove Jesse is not cut out for the brutality of the business while Walt becomes Breaking Bad's ruthless killer.

4 "Yo, Gatorade Me, B****."

"Fly" (Season 3, Episode 10)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (12)

A lot of Jesse’s famous quotes come with the word “B****,” including the line “Yo Gatorade me, b****.” This line comes in the middle of the series after Jesse is recruited by Walt to help him cook meth for Gus Fring. While cleaning their equipment, Jesse says that they ought to have people working for them to clean their equipment since they were part of such a big operation. He also suggested that they have waterboys to supply them with Gatorade while they cooked meth. Given the intensity of the show, it is always fun when Jesse chimes in and seems totally oblivious to the world in which he is operating in.

3 "You Know What Is Okay To Put In Hot Dogs? Huh? Pig Lips And A**holes. But I Say, Hey, Have At It B****es ’Cause I Love Hot Dogs."

"Fly" (Season 3, Episode 10)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (13)

The Fly episode of Breaking Bad is perhaps the most divisive in the show's history. The whole episode revolved around Jesse and Walt trying to kill a fly in their lab because it was a huge contamination, according to Walter. Jesse is far less concerned with the fly, reasoning that, as meth cooks, they have a clientele that is not especially picky about the product they get. He relates this to the truth behind what's in hotdogs yet he still eats them. It is one of those moments when Jesse is saying something ridiculous but the audience can admit that they see the point he is making.

2 "When I Was Comin’ Up It Was Just Possum. Opossum Makes It Sound Like He’s Irish Or Something."

"Fly" (Season 3, Episode 10)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (14)

While Walt takes the presence of the fly in the lab very seriously, Jesse is far less concerned with it. Along with not worrying about what the customer think, Jesse also expresses relief that it wasn't a more serious contamination. For some reason, his mind goes right to the possibility of a possum finding its way into their lab. From there, he begins musing about why the name changed from possum to opossum. It seems that Jesse's mind will just keep going from one thought to another, voicing every new idea that pops in there regardless of how interested anyone else is in hearing it.

1 "I'm A Blowfish! Blowfish! Yeah! Blowfishin' This Up!"

"Negro Y Azul" (Season 2, Episode 7)

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (15)

Underneath his loud attitude in Breaking Bad's early days, Jesse is a guy with a big heart which certainly puts him at a disadvantage when it comes to dealing with the other dangerous elements of the drug business. When one of his dealers is robbed, Jesse's attempts to get the money back don't go as planned but the thief is brutally killed and everyone thinks Jesse did it. Walt decides this mistaken assumption can work to Jesse's advantage, making him seem like the unassuming guy who has a more fearsome side, much like a blowfish. Walt's motivation talk surprisingly works on Jesse leading the would-be drug kingpin to excitedly proclaim himself as a blowfish.

Breaking Bad: Jesse's 15 Funniest Quotes (2024)
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