Flickr: LASZLO ILYES
I’ve known my friend David (not his real name) for over twenty years and we’ve always gotten along well. That’s probably, at least in part due to the fact that we share a lot of common interests and values.
Lately though, David has developed a habit that has been driving me slightly crazy. Whenever I suggest that we do something together or offer him an invitation of any kind, his response almost always is to tell me that he’ll let me know later whether or not this will work for him.
Well,“later” almost always turned out to be the day before the deadline, and even then, it almost always seemed that I was the one who had to initiate contact to remind him that I was still waiting to hear from him. Inevitably, David would apologize and provide explanations as to why he hadn’t contacted me sooner. He would usually tell me that he would love to accept my invitation but “something came up and I won’t be able to join you”.
After a series of situations like this, I noticed that this was becoming a pattern, and the pattern was becoming a problem for me; not just because David was inconveniencing me by not informing me sooner of his plans, but also because I felt disrespected with what felt like inconsiderate treatment when despite his profuse apologies, his behavior didn’t change.
After expressing my feelings to David we had a good talk in which he told me that I’m not the first person to have had this problem with his desire to avoid making commitments and agreements in order to “keep my options open in case something better shows up.”
While I appreciated David’s honesty, I felt some resentment about being held as just another ‘option’ on David’s dance card. After all, we’ve been friends for a long time and I thought I deserved a to have a higher place on his list of priorities.
In the course of our conversation it became clear to me that David didn’t just want to keep his options open, he felt that he needed to; and that if he didn’t, he might risk losing out on an important, potentially life-changing experience.
As I had feared, David had a severe case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). FOMO is an increasingly common condition plaguing a growing portion of the population numbers of people, who either overcommit and fail to fulfill many of their commitments, or choose to avoid agreements and commitments as much as possible.
In most cases the basis for their actions (or inactions) is motivated by a fear that in making an agreement they are losing the chance to engage in other experiences that could potentially result in greater personal gratification or satisfaction. A commonly-felt sentiment of many people who have FOMO is, “I like to keep my options open.”
Those with a great fear of missing out can be very discerning in regard to the circ*mstances and situations in which they tend to break agreements. They are often less willing to break them with someone who holds a position of authority in their lives, such as a supervisor or superior at work, or someone representing the legal or criminal justice system, than to an acquaintance or subordinate at work. They often attempt to justify or excuse their behavior by explaining it as being driven by forces beyond their control, when it is often the case that they actually had priorities that they held as being more import than the commitment that they failed to keep.
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FOMO frequently provokes feelings of anxiety and restlessness, often generated by competitive thoughts that others are experiencing more pleasure, success, or fulfillment in their lives than they are. It can also be a response to a conscious or unconscious fear of aging and/or dying. Unless the underlying concerns that drive this desire to compulsively accumulate as many experiences as possible is identified and addressed, FOMO behavior will continue to prevail and diminish the overall quality of well-being, and fulfillment in one’s relationships and life in general.
There is a saying that you can’t ever get enough of what you really don’t need. Accumulating experiences and being possessed by the feelings stress and tension that are amplified by the pursuit of more and the need to avoid missing out cannot relieve the existential anxiety that drives FOMO behavior. Checking electronic devices for text messages, voice mails and emails continually throughout the day creates a obsessive preoccupation that doesn’t quench the thirst for the need for more, it amplifies it. Kind of like pouring gasoline on fire to put it out. Doesn’t work so well.
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Perhaps the biggest problem with FOMO is that a relentless preoccupation with activity and novelty makes it impossible for us to be to be fully present and deeply engaged in our relationships and our life in general. And true fulfillment requires both presence and engagement. Like the sign in the casino says: “You must be present to win!”
So if rushing from pillar to post trying to fill your life up with activities and novelty not only doesn’t enhance the quality of life, but rather diminishes it, what’s the alternative? Good question.
Our next blog will answer that question and offer ten steps that you can take that can free you from that corrosive effects of FOMO once and for all.
Stay tuned.
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FAQs
Perhaps the biggest problem with FOMO is that a relentless preoccupation with activity and novelty makes it impossible for us to be to be fully present and deeply engaged in our relationships and our life in general.
What are the dangers of FOMO? ›
Studies have shown that FOMO can lead to feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety. The constant comparison with others can make us feel inadequate, leading to a negative self-image and low self-esteem.
What does FOMO mean? ›
abbreviation for "fear of missing out": a worried feeling that you may miss exciting events that other people are going to, especially caused by things you see on social media: Don't get FOMO.
How do I stop worrying about FOMO? ›
To break out of FOMO, start by recognizing when you're feeling it. Ask yourself, "Am I really missing out, or does it just seem that way?" Then, focus on what genuinely makes you happy and fulfilled, not on what others are doing. Your life is about your own unique experiences and joys, not about keeping up with others.
What is the root cause of FOMO? ›
FoMO may start with distorted thinking related to sense of fear of being left out from a rewarding experience. However, it is reinforced with constant responsiveness to SNS. Some research also terms these behaviors as compulsive.
Is FOMO a toxic trait? ›
Studies also suggest that FOMO is a negative emotional state resulting from unmet social relatedness needs. “FOMO is probably the most hurtful in teenagers or younger adults, specifically because they are trying to figure out where they fit in life and what groups they fit into,” shares Dr.
What type of person has FOMO? ›
A study in 2018 published in Motivation and Emotion found FoMO existed among all personalities but was especially more susceptible to those that suffered sleeping issues, fatigue or had significant amounts of stress.
Is FOMO a mental illness? ›
FOMO itself is a relatively new concept, and it's not recognized as a mental health condition. But it's related to anxiety and depression, which can reach the level of mental disorder, depending on how severe the symptoms are.
How do you know if you are afraid of missing out? ›
Symptoms of FOMO
Some of these symptoms include: Obsessively checking social media to see what others are doing. Experiencing negative feelings when comparing one's life to what others seem to be doing on social media. Feeling mentally exhausted from social media.
Why do I get FOMO so bad? ›
FOMO Comes From Unhappiness
Our findings show those with low levels of satisfaction of the fundamental needs for competence, autonomy, and relatedness tend towards higher levels of fear of missing out as do those with lower levels of general mood and overall life satisfaction. So you're not feeling so hot about things.
Spending too much time on your phone or social media apps can increase FOMO. Reducing your usage, or even doing a digital detox where you take a break from digital devices, may help you focus more on your life without making constant comparisons.
What is the psychology around FOMO? ›
FOMO can also have a detrimental impact on personal relationships. The constant need to stay connected and updated with others' lives can lead to individuals neglecting real-life interactions and meaningful connections. This can result in feelings of isolation, loneliness, and detachment from loved ones.
What is FOMO addiction? ›
Abstract. Fear of Missing Out (FoMO) is the tendency to experience anxiety over missing out on rewarding experiences of others. It has been associated with daily-life disruptions, such as distractions during driving.
What is an example of FOMO in real life? ›
A common example of FOMO is being worried about missing events that your friends might attend, which can cause you to constantly check the social media platform that you all use. FOMO can negatively impact your wellbeing and health, cause you to rush into making bad decisions, and hurt your relationships with others.
Is FOMO still a thing? ›
“Research has found that FOMO certainly hasn't disappeared; rather, it's shape-shifted.” Sofia Barnett is a 17-year-old writer living in Frisco, Texas. Currently a high school senior, she plans to attend college next year and eventually pursue a career in journalism or politics. She has a lot of FOMO.
What is FOMO slang for? ›
What does FOMO mean? Short for fear of missing out, FOMO is an anxious feeling you get when you feel other people might be having a good time without you. In the digital age, FOMO often leads to a constant checking of social media to see what your friends are doing.
What does FOMO do to the brain? ›
“Unfortunately, by seeking relief in this way, we only maintain or even strengthen the anxiety that triggered it in the first place,” says Dr. Dattilo. FOMO has also been linked to mental health issues. Experiencing FOMO can be associated with depression, feeling more stressed out and decreased life satisfaction.
What is worse than FOMO? ›
If you've ever struggled with FOMO, I have some bad news. It's nothing compared to the real social ill of our time: FOBO. Fear of a Better Option is the compulsion to keep your options open for as long as possible so that you can exhaust every possibility before choosing the “best” alternative.
Does FOMO lead to addiction? ›
Individuals with a higher level of FoMO could easily follow up with others using real-time and multiple media applications, resulting in mobile phone addiction among its users [14].
How many people does FOMO affect? ›
FOMO is defined in the study as apprehension that others might be having a rewarding experience from which one is absent. According to Roberts, approximately 75% of young adults struggle with FOMO.
