As your parents age, you may feel obligated to care for them and support their changing needs. That’s why it’s important to know whether you are legally responsible for them.
More than half of U.S. states have laws that may require adult children to care for their parents. Below, we’ll share where and how these laws are applied.
Key Takeaways
Your legal responsibility to care for your elderly parents depends on your state’s filial laws, your and your parents' finances, and your parents’ welfare benefits.
Storing your and your parent's financial information in a highly secure digital storage platform like Trustworthy can help you gauge your level of responsibility. Defying the responsibility dictated by filial law can result in civil and criminal penalties.
Options for caring for elderly parents include letting them live with you, arranging for home care, and moving them into assisted living or another type of care home.
Legal Responsibility for Parents and State Laws
The legal responsibility for you to take care of your elderly parent is dictated by your state’s filial responsibility laws. There are nuances in the specific requirements of each state’s laws, so your responsibility differs depending on where you live.
Some states require you to care for your parents only if you are financially able. Those states' laws include criteria to determine if you are able.
Some states’ requirements are based on your parents' ages, while others only apply if your parents can’t pay and will not receive any help from insurance.
Most filial laws require you to support your parents' basic living needs. These can include food, medical bills (mental and physical), housing, and additional care they receive, such as stays at nursing homes.
Currently, 30 states legally require you to take care of your elderly parents:
Alaska
Arkansas
California
Connecticut
Delaware
Georgia
Idaho
Indiana
Iowa
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maryland
Massachusetts
Mississippi
Montana
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Dakota
Tennessee
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
West Virginia
Filial laws are in place to reduce states’ expenses for Medicaid and other welfare programs. A more traditional background of family values also played a part when most laws were created.
So, if you live in a state with filial laws, how do you know when they apply to you?
Related: Should Elderly Parents Sign Over Their House?
When Do Filial Laws Apply?
When filial laws generally apply:
Your parents have medical bills they cannot pay. Your parents are typically considered unable to pay for their care when their bills exceed their Social Security or Medicaid benefits.
Your parents do not receive Medicaid and aren't eligible to receive it, but still have bills they cannot pay themselves.
You are financially able to cover the costs of your parents’ care. Your responsibility is determined by your income and assets and your parents’ investments in you. The most common example of investment is payments for your college tuition. If you are considered able to pay, you will be held legally responsible for your parents’ care unless you prove otherwise.
Deciding the future of your parents and their care is an important topic. When making your decision, you should look closely into your and your parents’ finances, living situations, and the applicable filial laws in the state you live in.
For example, in Alaska, children are legally required to take care of their elderly parents if they are poor and unable to work. In Indiana, children of elderly parents are required to take care of their elderly parents if they have the financial means to.
Related: Complete List of Things to Do for Elderly Parents
Can You Refuse to Care for Elderly Parents?
This is a common question that Doug Jones from Elder Care Attorneys of Arkansas gets often and explains, “In many cases, you can,” and adds, “The key is just not to leave them in a bad situation.”
If you are found able to pay for your parents' care but refuse, you may face civil or criminal penalties.
Some states will take the funds from you through wage garnishment or directly from your bank account. The criminal penalty for failure to pay for your parents’ care varies by state. Some penalties include a jail sentence ranging from a few months to a year.
However, there are some reasons you might refuse to care for your parents:
You Have Your Own Financial Issues
Depending on your parents’ needs, their medical expenses can be high, from thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars. The most common reason to refuse to pay for your elderly parents’ care is that you simply can’t afford it.
In this situation, it’s best to consult an elder-law attorney and gather accurate records of your finances. Storing your financial information in a highly secure digital storage platform like Trustworthy can make it simple to access such records when you need them.
To refuse and avoid potential criminal penalties, you may need to prove to a court that you cannot pay.
Should you need to go to court or if you’re caring for your parents, you’ll likely have important paperwork you need to store. Use Trustworthy. We'll connect your parents with a local Trustworthy Certified Expert™ to help them manage their estate using our award-winning Family Operating System®.
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Comprehensive Protection: Manage wills, trust details, healthcare directives, power of attorney, and investments.
You and Your Parents Have a Complex Relationship
Another common reason you may want to refuse to pay for your parents' care is a complicated relationship. The relationship between an adult child and their parents can affect the mental health of all parties.
If your and your parents’ relationship causes stress or other negative emotions, it may be best to maintain distance and leave their care to others, as long as state laws are being followed.
Related: What to Do When a Sibling Is Manipulating Your Elderly Parents
Typically, your parents were the primary providers for you and your siblings during your upbringing. It’s common to have feelings of guilt or shame if you refuse to take care of them later on.
These feelings can affect you personally and your relationships with your parents and siblings. Your parents may feel sad that you don’t care for them. Other parents may feel they are owed your help after what they did for you.
Your family relationships will be tested during this time, and it is not uncommon to experience complex emotions related to your decisions.
When to Say No
Abusive parents: It’s not worth sacrificing your mental health and suffering abuse to care for your parents if they are abusive.
Unsafe environment: Whether through abuse or external factors, it’s OK to refuse if you are unsafe when providing care to your parents.
Severe conditions: If your parents' expenses are too high or their situation is too severe to be treated, it is understandable to decline the responsibility.
Related: Is It Wrong to Move Away From Elderly Parents?
Options for Caring for Elderly Parents
Aside from the legal responsibility, there are also situational factors to consider when deciding whether to accept the responsibility of caring for your parents. If your parent refuses help or if you are unable to pay, there are alternatives available for your parents’ care:
Let Your Parents Live With You
A common solution for adult children who want to stay close to their parents while taking care of them is to allow them to move in.
Having an elderly parent live with you can positively affect your relationship, allow for personal communication of your parent’s needs, and offer potential tax benefits.
Related: Buying a House With an Elderly Parent: 10 Things to Know
Arrange for Home Care
If you or your parents do not want to live together or if they want to stay in their own house, home care is another common alternative. This option is ideal if your parents can no longer meet their needs and self-care.
Home care services can include medical attention, companionship, housekeeping, hygiene, meals, and transportation 24/7.
Home care will provide services to your parents in the comfort of their home and reduce your responsibilities.
Trustworthy Certified Experts™: Get Extra Help With Your Parents' Estate Organization
Move Your Parents Into Assisted Living
Another alternative for your elderly parents is to enroll them in an assisted living community program.
Assisted living creates a community and social environment for your parents to enjoy while they receive care. The services they receive are similar to home care services, including food, transportation, assistance in hygiene, and housekeeping.
However, assisted living programs do not offer more advanced medical services. The staff are not medically trained and are responsible only for simple living needs. Other programs, like skilled nursing care, are available for your parents if they require more advanced medical treatment.
Get Paid to Care for Your Parents
Consumer-directed personal assistance programs (CDPAPs), available through Medicaid in some states, allow participants to hire a chosen caregiver. This can be a great option to create a mutually beneficial relationship where you get paid to care for your parents.
Such programs allow children to be the chosen caregiver for their parents. Almost anyone except a consumer's spouse can be chosen as the caregiver. To be eligible, your parent or parents must receive Medicaid, must need the services of home care, and must hire an intermediary to process and handle payments for their care.
Related: Do You Feel Trapped Caring for Parents?
Frequently Asked Questions
What does It cost to care for aging parents?
The cost of caring for elderly parents will depend on a number of different factors like living expenses (food, clothes, transportation, and toiletries), medical expenses, and modifications made to your home, such as wheelchair ramps. On average, responsible adult children spend $7,000 annually on their elderly parents’ care
Which sibling should take care of elderly parents?
While traditionally, the oldest has always taken care of the elderly parents, this is no longer the case. Now, it depends on finances and what’s best for the whole family.
How do I care for an elderly parent who refuses my help?
It’s tough getting old and giving up your independence, so try to understand this when your elderly parent is stubborn. Start small and give them options, for example, joining them on grocery trips and hiring in-home aid for a couple of days a week. You don’t want to overhaul their whole life at once.
