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You are married or planning to get married and you are thinking how to manage finances in marriage. It is important and you want to know what is the best way to achieve full harmony. Below I present you models of handling finances in marriage and which one we chose, and why.
Common, let’s go!
1. Overly traditional way
In this method of handling finances in marriage the husband is in charge of money. Like, completely. Then he not only makes the majority of your income, or even all of it, but also controls it fully. You want to buy your kid (or yourself) a plushy unicorn? You need his permission. He gives you specific numbers that you can spend in each sphere of life (food, diapers, sweets for your period) without fully being aware how much you actually need for what.
It might be a good way to handle finances if your husband is generous. Or rich. Or ideally both. However I wouldn’t recommend this option in majority of marriages for a long term. Here is why:
Advantages:
- you don’t need to think about money
- your husband feels manly and in control
Disadvantages:
- Financial decisions are made only by your husband – no union
- You might feel bad if you need to ask for more than your husband gave you
- Handling the budget depends on him – as a result, if he gets sick, there will be no one doing it
- It causes conflict if you want to spend on something he disagrees with
- It causes conflict if you want to spend on something he disagrees with
2. Balanced traditional way – handling finances in marriage as a team
Your husband is still the one managing finances, but your impact is way bigger. In addition you also might be earning some money, but it’s all piled up in one account that your husband is dividing into pockets, with your help – you discuss together how much more-less is needed to buy diapers or food and based on that your husband makes financial decisions. It is way more balanced than the overly traditional way and as a matter of fact it can be a good way especially at the beginning of your marriage or if your husband is a math professor or – like mine – an engineer.
Advantages:
- Your husband feels manly
- You can focus on spending money on needs, not managing the budget
- You have a big impact when it comes to financial decisions
Disadvantages:
- It is hard to buy him a gift without him knowing that
- Your knowledge about the budget depends on how much your husband involves you
- You do not have “your own” money
3. United States of Finances in Marriage way
This method of managing finances in marriage is focused on the union. You do everything together around money – decide how much goes for what, you sit down to count the savings together, you might even have just one credit card. You ask each other for permission if you want to buy something for yourself – even if it’s pumpkin spice latte, and not necessarily from Starbucks.
This way requires harmony of characters, which not always happens in marriages – otherwise it can lead to many arguments. There is for certain beauty in such a union, but each of us has some individual spendings and always being under pressure can be tough (“Do I really need this sandwich? My husband never buys himself anything”, “It is our money, I should not even think of buying myself a dress”). But hey, in some couples it works well!
Advantages:
- Total union in marriage – there isn’t yours or mine, it’s ours
- Both partners are in control of the budget
- You both feel equally aware of the financial state of your family
Disadvantages:
- Potential field of arguments (did you know that majority of marriages have serious conflicts either about sex or money? If you have a problem with the first one, check out my tips on improving intimacy in your marriage.
- The leadership is not established
- Pressure and guilt to spend money on yourself, especially when the other side does not do it
4. Separation way
You have your separate accounts, separate savings, separate spendings. He pays rent, you pay for food or you share half-half. Many marriages started like this, and sure, there are cases when this model works perfectly fine, but it is not that common.
My mum and my step-father used to handle it that way, and I saw how selfish it can become. He was not sharing all he had obviously, but mum had to. He was giving her limited amount of money, assuming it will be enough to cover needs of three kids, and he still had bunch of money on the side, for “his own needs” – cool, totally needed, but how about my mum’s needs? It’s painful and simply not fair. But if you and your partner are fair and 100% honest, this might work out.
Advantages:
- Having your separate budget for your needs (but not always)
- You are responsible for your part of the budget
Disadvantages:
- There is no union
- Possibility of not being fair and hiding real income
- Financial decisions are made mostly separately – so there is no “togetherness”
5. Overly liberal way
That’s basically the reversed overly traditional model, but in this case the wife rules. There are some marriages in which the woman is structured and more organized, so as long as the husband is okay with it, it might work. However let’s not deny that this is sooo attractive when the man can not only provide money but also manage it pretty well. Likewise in the overly traditional way, the burden is completely on one person, and this does not seem healthy.
Advantages:
- You have full control of the money
Disadvantages:
- Your husband has very limited impact, if any, on the budget
- On the other hand you are burdened with all financial decisions
- You do not see your husband as manly enough to step up
6. Just liberal way
The wife is good with money, or she simply has an aspiration to become an accountant, but she discusses every aspect of the budget with her husband. Both of you are making money and you put them together for you to manage the budget with his help. Being a home accountant can be sexy, so if your husband is okay with giving you majority of the power, then sure, why not. It all depends on personalities, skills and dynamics of the marriage.
Advantages:
- You are in control while also discussing decisions with your husband
- It teaches you useful skills of compromises, counting, predicting and exchanging views
Disadvantages:
- Your husband has limited insight into the budget
- You might not feel feminine in this role
7. Hybrid finances in marriage
I love this method of handling finances in marriage and I would recommend it the most. This is you simply picking elements from the modules above and fitting it perfectly to your marriage and lifestyle. For instance – my husband gathers my and his main incomes into one budget and then he takes the pockets out of it – rent, food, savings etc. After this we sit down together and he presents me his calculations – and I can always change something.
However, I have my separate income on my Polish card and together we decide on how to spend it – but, since it is kinda my addition to the budget, I have the most to say on where it goes. It works for us perfectly.
Basically, any of the presented methods can work – it is totally up to you two. Money is a blessing and managing it together as a married couple should be joyful – even at times challenging. If you are interested in learning tips on how to handle finances in marriage, feel free to read the article from blog about money: https://bettermoneyhabits.bankofamerica.com/en/saving-budgeting/how-to-manage-money-in-marriage
Which method seems the perfect match for your marriage? Share in the comments so we can all get inspired 😊
