I’ll never forget the time my brother and I stole a pack of gum from the grocery store. We were two and four years old, and my mother disciplined us in front of the cashier and other customers. Sure, we had done something wrong, but we were so embarrassed. Now, as a mom, I think about how I’d handle the situation differently.
Most of us know the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That foundation definitely applies to child discipline. The best part is that using the golden rule doesn’t lessen the effectiveness of the discipline, but it does strengthen your relationship with your child. Here are 3 golden rules of discipline.
1. Discipline privately.
Discipline is something that should be handled in private. Think about how you would feel if someone corrected or reprimanded you in front of your friends or coworkers. So, when your child misbehaves, calmly acknowledge the misbehavior and go to a private place to administer the discipline. If you can’t find a private place, tell your child that consequences will follow when you get home.
In addition to not embarrassing your child, another benefit of correcting your child in private is that it removes the “all eyes are on me” aspect of the moment. If your daughter knows her friends are watching, she might cop an attitude she wouldn’t have otherwise, or the words you say might go in one ear and out the other because her focus is on her surroundings and not you.
2. Discipline respectfully.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first, we have to make them feel worse?” – Jane Nelson
Even when you are extremely upset with your children, you can still treat them respectfully. That means avoiding sarcasm, screaming, and name-calling. If you model respect, you’ll help them learn how to handle tense situations in their own lives.
You can say, “Jack, I am very upset with you right now. What you did was very wrong. It was not a good choice, and I do not want you to do it again. I love you, and I want you to understand that I am pointing this out to you so that you can do better the next time.”
3. Discipline fairly.
To fairly discipline, consequences need to be determined in advance. Once those are in place, explain the consequences to your child so they know what to expect. Then when disobedience occurs, calmly relay the consequences. If you feel like your child really had forgotten the consequences, you can remind them of the consequence and give them another chance. But, if they misbehave again, don’t negotiate consequences.
Fair discipline also takes into account where the child is at that point: is he acting out because he’s tired or hungry? Does he not feel well? Is his misbehavior linked to a stage appropriate for his age? Take in the whole scenario before you jump straight to disciplinary action.
What else would you add to this list? What’s one of your rules for disciplining your kids?
ASK YOUR CHILD...
Have you heard of the golden rule? It’s treat others as you’d like to be treated. How can we act it out this week?
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